Recently in Open Letters To People or Entities Who Are Unlikely To Respond Category

Once a year we get some of the wealthiest, overexposed people in the entire world into one room so they can spend 4+ glorious hours patting each other on the back so hard it's a wonder they don't come out of there black and blue.

Every movie release is a celebration of how great and fantastic all of these people are! Do we really need an annual recap?

I'm cranky!

Also: still sick.

Also: Did you know that Diablo Cody, writer of Juno, was at the Oscars this year? Did you know that she was discovered on her blog?! Why don't those talent scouts ever come knocking on my door?

... And why don't I have anything good for them to read?

Oh, hell.

Dear Madam,

I tip my hat to you. I offer my congratulations: you have mastered the pelvic thrust.

Now, however, it is time to learn new dance moves. There is quite a bit you can do with your legs, torso, arms, hands, and head. You have your entire body to work with. It is time to move on from the pelvis and explore the dancing opportunities available elsewhere in your body.

Love,

Stephen