Recently in Misc Category

Dear God,

I don't really actually believe in you, for reasons (and with qualifications) too numerous to outline here. Then I'd really be missing the point of this.

Anyway, it's like this. I'm stuck. I feel dumb. I know the economy has a lot to do with it, but I feel like all of the long hours for low and no pay I've put in over the last several years have all amounted to nothing. I can't get work in my field, or any field, it seems like, right now. I know I could probably get a crappy minimum wage job, but I couldn't even cover my expenses at minimum wage in this outrageously overpriced city, so forget that. I don't know how other people do it. I mean, I do know. Living in dangerous neighborhoods 8 or more to a two bedroom apartment.

Which brings me to one of my great moments of pause in this whole interior monologue. Things could be a lot worse. Things could be a lot worse for me just in this country's standard of living... And in other countries? Well. I could be living in a wood shack with only three walls, a tin roof, dirt floor, within smelling range of my town's al fresco toilet, which is really just a big hole in the ground half-full of dung and urine.

Which then makes me think that I actually have it pretty damn excellent, and I think statistically that's true. Which makes me sound like a spoiled brat when I say

But I thought it would be better than this. I thought adult life would have something *more*. I've worked really hard for a long time to become the person I am today, socially, intellectually, creatively, and I'm in a place where I think my best-case scenario is that I'm still just paying my dues. Worst case scenario is that regardless of whatever personal or creative or intellectual progress I myself make I will never financially make it in the city and I will have to declare bankruptcy and move in with my father and cry myself to sleep every night about what a horrible, wretched failure I am because somehow despite what I have accomplished and what I am capable of I am unable to support myself because the skill set I have developed, which are the same skills I have a natural aptitude for, have no significant financial value.

So, God, I guess this is where you come in. I wish someone could just tell me what to do. I wish there was a Department of Winning in the city where I could go and I could go see a Winning counselor and she would say "Okay, fill out these forms, bring them back here, and we'll tell you exactly what to do for the next four years and by that time you'll have a great career and be debt-free."

I would do that. At least I think so. I am pretty ornery and have a hard time following directions. But I'd like the opportunity to blindly follow someone else's correct plan for my life for a while. I've been doing what I want and what makes sense to me for a long time, working pretty hard at it, too, and it hasn't really worked out for me. I mean, in some senses, it really really has. I have everything that I want out of life.

Which then makes me think: Well boo-fucking-hoo. Hard knocks life for you.

I do, I have everything I want out of life except *money*. I've been living paycheck to paycheck pretty much since I moved here. I've had a few ups and downs, but I've been just barely squeaking by for years now. And I'd like to get a little bit ahead. I don't want to constantly be panicking at the end of every month just before everything magically comes together for me.

Again, boo-frigging-hoo.

I don't know. I think a lot of my frustration comes from jealousy. I see so many people in this city, even people I know, who are mostly in the same boat I am... struggling towards some sort of success, a solid work ethic, seeking validation for their work, and maintaining a good amount of progress and momentum. The difference is that if they fall, if they can't make rent or their electric bills, there is a safety net below... a place that will allow them to get back up, dust themselves off, and climb back up to the trapeze.

Last week I was working with this world famous avant garde artist and I asked him over lunch, "How long did it take? At what point in your career were you able to totally focus on your work because you had become successful enough to really support yourself without worrying too much? What did you change to get to that place of financial security."

And he gave a mirthless little laugh and said, "Well, I've really made no secret of it. When my father died he told me 'You won't be rich but you won't starve.' And that's basically it. My work has never been profitable. I lose money on everything I do. My father left me enough money when he died so that I can do that."

Which, you know, was not encouraging.

On the bright side, I'm not interested in being avant garde. I'm interesting in connecting with a broad, mainstream audience. That's an important part of my work and what I'm interested in. I just wish I didn't have to live in fear, every single month, of not being able to pay my rent, my electric, my gas, my grocery, my internet... Every month. I'm almost 30. What did I do wrong? And how do I fix it?

Dear God, is that where you come in for most people? To give them purpose? To give them specific directions about what to do and why?

Though I've heard that God is a lousy financial advisor, that he's more about purpose and direction and meaning and happiness and joy and all that. Which I've got, actually. I'm really just short on the financial thing.

I need a benefactor.

Anyone?

I've just scanned in 32 pictures from the wedding Karen and I had in California in 2005.

There are many more wedding photos, but these were the black and white film photographs that Karen's good friend, Brianna Walsh took.

Check out my favorites after the jump.

Once a year we get some of the wealthiest, overexposed people in the entire world into one room so they can spend 4+ glorious hours patting each other on the back so hard it's a wonder they don't come out of there black and blue.

Every movie release is a celebration of how great and fantastic all of these people are! Do we really need an annual recap?

I'm cranky!

Also: still sick.

Also: Did you know that Diablo Cody, writer of Juno, was at the Oscars this year? Did you know that she was discovered on her blog?! Why don't those talent scouts ever come knocking on my door?

... And why don't I have anything good for them to read?

Oh, hell.

Carlee had her going away party this past Friday night at her apartment on Moore St., a place she shared with Bailey, Liz, Carlos, and maybe some other people(?). The population of the apartment expands and contracts (they've had other roommates, Patrick lived there for a spell), but I'm pretty sure those four are the main residents. It was good, there was a big turnout and the apartment was packed with howling bodies by 1:00am. I smoked myself hoarse and drank half a six pack of Yuengling, and left around the time a screaming crowd had formed in a circle surrounding a makeshift flipcup table, warped plywood placed atop an ancient card table with folding legs. The wood was dark with spilled beer and Bailey's booted feet stomped in frothy amber puddles on the floor.

Dylan and Michelle are back from their nearly yearlong curious expedition, and it is good to have them back. It's hard for me to articulate what it is they bring to a room, but I hadn't realized how much I missed it until it was finally back. They have been apartment hunting and have settled on an apartment in Greenpoint. They came over for ice cream and a chat the other day, and I asked them about the more personal aspects of their trip as their blog is more academic than anecdotal. I'll let them share details here if they choose to.

In other news, I have quit smoking as of today, February 17th, 2008. I am done smoking for keeps. (Except, perhaps, the occasional hookah with my neighbors. It would be rude not to!) Whenever one of my friends quit, I always say "Real smokers never quit, they just stop for a while." I am determined to prove that I was never a real smoker!

I guess I'll leave it there for now. I think my writing is coming out a little funny today. I'm reading a story in the new issue of A Public Space all about an expedition to the North Pole that is ruined and devestated by rats. I think the narrator's voice is sneaking in to my prose a little bit.

A side note: Albanian pride today in Manhattan! Woo! (Full disclosure: I am not, nor have I ever been, a member of the Albanian party.)

The birthday boy vs. ninja video editor: My friend Jeremy turned 25, rented a booze boat and made everyone dress up like pirates.

But in real life.

Ahahaha....ahhhhh

Antikythera mechanism?

Can you explain the paris hilton thing? I can't contribute at water cooler talks.
edit holy shit she's a scary person

...and even if you didn't, the Zoological Society of London has launched the most wonderful site, called EDGE (which stands for Evolutionarily Distinct & Globally Endangered). It was created to raise awareness of unique and critically endangered animals that you have probably never heard of. Two-thirds of the top 100 EDGE mammal species are currently receiving little or no conservation attention. Little guys like The Indri, pictured at left The Long-beaked echidna, and The Long-Eared Jerboa could be DEAD FOREVER, but at least their pictures will live on in the Information Super-highway. However, the point of the website is not to delight us for years to come with its funny little pictures of animals soon to be DEAD FOREVER, but to implement the research and conservation actions needed to secure the little fella's future. It's also a place one can donate money to support local scientists in the conservation effort. Specifically, they aim to see that every animal in their Top 100 most endangered receive attention within the next 5 years.

So, imagine it's the Sixties. You're NASA. You want to get to space, but you're worried about what happens when you get there. Suppose there's Commie Reds! Guns--you got guns. Okay, now suppose there's aliens! Same diff.

But now suppose that your astronaut (Gre. astrum nautilos, "space dude") falls out. Or that the ship has an engine malfunction (Lat. "bad function")! What do you do--think fast.

Answer? You hire General Electric to build you this.

That's right, long before the current glory days of "satisfectellent" (sp?), the marketing people at GE were ahead of the game, thinking up dumb names for dumb shit. In space.

May I present the Casimir Effect?

In physics, the Casimir effect is a physical force exerted between separate objects, which is due to neither charge, gravity, nor the exchange of particles, but instead is due to resonance of all-pervasive energy fields in the intervening space between the objects.

no youtube video to back it up, but it would make a killer band name

edit From the Museum of Hoaxes: Dectractions on Casimir and Ships at sea. Well, there goes my solid example.

...if you don't have health insurance to cover the vaccine (or if you just don't feel like getting it).

I have had the flu in the worst way. I had a fever for four days straight and was bedridden for 7 days. I am now a weak and shrivelled specimen of the woman I once was. I really don't want anyone else to get the flu because it really blows and you have to miss a bunch of work (although you also get to miss a few of those unwanted pounds...bonus!)

Please enjoy the list of Don't Get the Flu Tips I've complied for your enojyment and education

I predict Dogster is the new myspace...I mean, what's more punk rock than being part of the online dog social network? Check it out, I'm officially a dog! Please feel free to visit and leave me a bone, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh. (I probably won't leave it up very long...I'd hate to have corrupting the minds of innocent children on my conscience).

UPDATE! My dogster profile has already been flagged by someone and is currently being reviewed by the board of Dogsters. Took about 15 minutes. Just so you know, it was funny. And gross.

With the world in the dismal state its in, and our leaders being the cause, I have decided to put forth a immodest proposal. Here is how I would serve up some of our secretaries of state.

I would start with a side of Condolezza Rice (2005 -?). For my vegetable I would have some Elithu Root (1905-1909). The first course would certaintly be Hamilton Fish (1869-1877), I'm thinking....Edmund Muskie (1980-1981)? Finally the main course would be a delicious Lawrence Eagleburger (1992-1993) topped with Robert Bacon (1909-1909) and some Bainbridge Colby (1920-1921). I'm getting hungry thinking about it.

For a full list of the Secretaries of State

I don't know about you, but my fruits and vegetables have been gross lately. Like the day after i buy them, my cherries and peaches are already rotten, katie's celery is bendy instead of snappy, my eggplants are squishy, my broccoli is yellow, the string beans are brown, and so on. After I gave it a little thought, I realized it probably had to do with the food I'm buying not being in season. Often times, food not in season is being shipped from China (as Liam kindly pointed out to me, which he read in an article in the L Magazine, which I couldn't obtain as the little magazine stands near the subway were empty.)

Bike riders in superhero costumes helping bike riders everywhere. Superhero hotline and comic books. (sorry, I'm too tired today to blog right, but it's cool so read the link (so tired))

LINK (did I mention how tired I am?)

Grand Buffet, amazing wierd hip-hop geniuses, creaters of such excellent songs as Ben Franklin Music (not to be confused with actual Ben Franklin Music), have created a new rock band called COBALT BLACK. They only have one song, but you know its pretty awesome. I have a lot of hope for these youngster. Anyway when I was on their myspace page I ran across this video. Its retarted, but for somereason I couldn't stop laughing. Awesome or idiotic...YOU DECIDE!

My Heritage lets you load a full frontal face shot of yourself and then it scans its dateabase for what celebrity you most look like. Not very accurate though, since again and again, I just kept getting Asians! (And not very famous Asians at that!)


Janie Tienphosuwan

I saw this on Neatorama today and was surprised to find it weirdly touching. This guy, Matt Harding, quit his job in 2003, and used the money he saved up to travel around the world. He videotaped himself dancing (sort of) in different countries and continents. His video gained the attention of Stride "long-lasting" Gum (what the hell is Stride gum?), and they PAID for ANOTHER TRIP around the world to dance some more. Some people have all the luck. Anyway, here you go! (Also, here's his site.)

Presented here is Dave Guion's lecture "Spy Rock", from Brooklyn's own Little Gray Book Lecture series. Enjoy.

Best part of the whole/horrible ordeal was when a msytery ebayer tried to butt heads with me, and with a bit of googling I discovered it was a friend of a friend. The 1 degree-er was called in to talk to Mr. 2nd, and he backed the fuck off.

EDIT: Yes, it has a fire hose.

fuu xvqf v unid fhcde fdpedg vagdy gung CNEdAGF ner ednqvat guvf. fb qbag gnyx nobhg gung ubbxde lbh xvyyrq. nyy 'r'f ercynpdq jvgu d'f

The Camel Girl: had an unusual orthopedic condition resulting in knees that bent backwards.


When I was about 6 or 7, I happened upon a PBS documentary that was about sideshow freaks from the days of yor. Never having had seen people with such deformities before, I was fascinated. For the next few years, I sought out surgery shows where conjoined twins were being separated, watched Ripley's Believe It Or Not religiously, and fanatically tried to pop my eyes out of their sockets like "Popeye" from the documentary who could do just that.

Stephen, how can everything be bad? Look at the kittens. Look at them! Everything will be okay. The kittens promise.

Link for more awesome tattoos drawn with the super safe blacklight reactive ink. It's neat.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Nup3UHG_UKU&search=bennington%20collegehttp://youtube.com/watch?v=Nup3UHG_UKU&search=bennington%20college

If you were a high school senior and saw this..... I don't know.... I think the symposium may have made most of the pretty pretty people leave.

The Museum of Hoaxes has a great list of the 100 best April Fool's jokes of all time. I know it's 2 days late, but is it really ever too late for practical jokes? Especially with such gems as the number 4 best joke in 1996 when Taco Bell announced they had bought the Liberty Bell, to be renamed the Taco Liberty Bell. When White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale by enraged citizens, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

ROTFLOL!

The Museum of Hoaxes Blog is pretty great too.
100 Best April Fools Jokes
Museum of Hoaxes

This is no longer about heartwarming. This is now a clinical test to see if you have a heart at all. So you read the story about the math whiz, you watched the story about the Autistic Kid making a million baskets and were still like whatever, aint no thang.... Well then fine. Fine! Here is the atom bomb. If this doesn't warm the cockles of your heart, then you, my friend, are a cocklesless bastard.
www.cuteoverload.com

And while I am at it, I am gonna hit you with another schmaltzy "personal interest story". This one must have made the newscasters shit thier pants with how perfect a feel good story this was. It has all the elements these type of stories need: retard kid, sports, overcoming the odds. So here it is....
Do it kid!
They are making a movie about it. Its going to be called "ForestRudyIAmSamRockyGump". But seriously, this really did make me feel good. I can't help it. That kid was fucking rocking, and not just back and forth.

...is in fact true. My favorite Urban Legend detectives www.snopes.com have a sweet story about a kid who is late to class, mistakes two unproven statistics equations for homework and goes on to solve them, without knowing that he has done anything exceptional. It smacks a bit of a story your grandma would tell you, as a precursor to saying somthing like "its all about positivity" and pointing to a motivational poster of a monkey holding a bannana and giving you a thumbs up. But, whatever, I like my grandma.
http://www.snopes.com/college/homework/unsolvable.asp

So here you go. Just don’t go messing up my stamp collection when you are doing your twisty dance.
http://20-248-e.onlinestoragesolution.com/spikepriggen/public/The%20Tornados-Robot.mov

You liked that, did you? Then eat your heart out at http://scopitones.blogs.com/ where there is a whole bunch more crazy French music videos. They were originally made in the 60's for French Film Jukeboxes, which eventually failed, and many of the videos were lost to history. That is until a Blog came along to the rescue, and began bringing you these amazing videos through the magic of the information superhighway. So show some appreciation, you cantankerous little whippersnappers.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. It's embarrassing. It displays a total disregard for my braincells. It proves that if there was a fashion teen magazine in front of me, I would read it. It shows me that I am perfectly willing, eager even, to waste time just for the sake of it. I can't stop reading girl gadget blogs.

This Saint Patrick's Day, 2006, men and women, children and fat depressed teenagers around the world stand up and say "No! We shall stay McSilent no longer!" Today we McFight back! And they need your help. Fill out the McForm and get McBack the Shamrock Milkshake.

Friends and contributors will be interested to know that, up from #3, we are now the #2(!!) google search result for 'that's plenty'. (And also #2 result without the apostrophe.)

We are the #1 google search result for "That's Plenty". (You know, in doublequotes.)

Hi, this is Michelle, Dylan's gfriend, blogging on his name. He said I could. From time to time, this will probably happen, because dangnabit, I want to hop a car on this crazy train called blogging. Anyway, today I wanted to direct you to Sarina J. Brewer for all your animals-in-jars needs. She's a member of the Minnesota Rogue Taxidermists, who I totally knew about before boing boing boingboinged them. Anyway, I've made a few purchases from her before (a squid in a jar and a chick in a jar, and a kitten skull) and she's totally awesome, and if you look on her website, you'll be delighted to see she's a babe as well. Now, before you start being a whiny girl, all of her specimens are already dead when she gets them, mostly roadkill or animals that died of natural causes. She also sells studio leftovers in bulk, and 2 dozen squirrel feet will only set you back $28.

Custom Creature Taxidermy

It's nice to finally have some time to just hang at home. I am a freelance editor/animator/general random film crap guy. Lately I spend most of time working with a stop motion animation director by the name of PES, www.eatpes.com, which so far has been an awesome experiance. I spent this last week on the set of a Nutri-Grain commercial production. It was the funnest of all the on set experiances I have had so far. But even so, the days were long, and it's nice to have a chance to chill out. My friend Jim is back in town after having been in Scotland for almost a year. Plans tonight include drinking alot of Scotch and playing a game called pressumo. This game was made up by a Scottish band called the Delgados ( who have since broke up apparantly), involes two combatants, both in push up position, trying to knock the other one down by pulling their opponents hand out from under them without falling down themselves. I can't wait.

Turns out so is Wil Wheaton. So show a little support for all the exiled peeps and check out
http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/ before they stop being in exile and become in ex-exile. God I'm a dork.

So there's this site www.myheritage.com that lets you compare a picture of yourself to a database of over 3000 celebs and then tells you who your face most matches. Sweet right? NOT SWEET. I did this so called "test". The computer thunk on it long and hard, even showing me a little 3D face vector to indicate "futuristic computer magic is happening" and then it came back with my results. STEVEN FUCKING SEAGAL? Of 3000 celebrities I look the most like Steven Seagal? I am apparantly a dead ringer for the prince of zen ponytails...Did I click the sarcasm button on this thing? Is there some hipster bastard on the other end, peeing himself with laughter as he matchs people up to Jean Claude Van Dam and Cory Feldman (I would actually be okay with either of the cory's). So if you feel like hurting your own feelings, take this test. Maybe you will even get a Chuck Norris.

POSTSCRIPT: AHHHH, I did it again with a different pic and this time I got Slobodon Milosovic! Why don't you just throw in Hitler for good measure. This thing is an asshole.

Gross......and grosser.

http://www.icdsm.org
http://www.xoxide.com/lightning-bolt-asian-experiance.html

Apperently when viewed on IE our site has gigantic font size. It looks like it was made for blind people. Can anyone fix this?

Techrat represents a triad of nostalgic neurosi furthur twinned in conflicts: ridiculous/awesome hair, gay lisp computer hacker and animated counterpart to the good guy's AI construct, Synergy which makes some sort of Janus god thingy, though more internal/gender than temporal. Also, I was never a fan of headbands at that age.