Recently by Michelle

The weather's been perfect lately. I had a lovely trip to the Alps. I'm working on stuff I'm excited about. My hair has been looking great. But something was...missing. I didn't feel like myself. And then it came to me; I haven't been doing enough hating! Well, my fellow Thats Plentyites, I bet you can guess how I remedied my problem. That's right, I went down to the local theater to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, in its full English glory. Now you may recall my thoughts on the Black Pearl, and I recalled them too. However, I had hopes that my craving for needless big American spending and action would negate the issues I had with the last movie. And that's the story of how I wasted 12 Swiss Francs and 168 minutes.

World's End was more convoluted and tedious than ever. Each complicated action scene was followed by a more complicated action scene which didn't correspond with the last. Don't get me wrong, as confusing as it all was, I wasn't seeing anything new...no feast for the eyes, no fresh stunts to delight. It was one big pirate fight after another slightly bigger pirate fight. I saw ceaseless pirate fighting in the last two movies, what makes them think I paid to see 3 more hours of it? (Although, I did pay to see it, knowing full well what I was in for, so...well played, World's End. Well played indeed). There wasn't much else besides the fighting. Any interest one may have once had in the characters is gone by this movie. Even Elizabeth Swan and whatever Orlando Bloom's character's name is don't seem to care whether they get together or not.

The only new thing the movie offered was about 60 seconds of Keith Richards and his two lines. I say...meh. 60 seconds of Keith's well-worn face does not make a movie, my friends.

I'll admit, Johnny Depp made me giggle once or twice, because, well, he just has that privilege. Poorly done on the screenwriter's part to make him such a secondary character, but I suppose everyone becomes a secondary character when you are trying to write for 7 main characters.

Oh, and btw to those who have seen it, how about that final scene with Calypso? Was that not a total rip-off from the Little Mermaid? Do they think we've forgotten Ursula so soon?

In conclusion, when I think of kids a few years down the road, preparing for a Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy sleep-over, I wish them luck, because there are not enough Nacho Cheese Doritos or bottles of 99 cent grape soda in the world that can last them the near 500 minute commitment. But I'm not too worried about these hypothetical kids...I suspect there won't be any, because these movies SUCK!

P.S. If you were in the Brethren Court, how pissed would you be when too-big-for-her-pirate-bloomers was named Pirate King? I mean, these are the most bad-ass and awesome pirates in the world and I can tell you for a fact that they would not put up with that shit. I can reluctantly accept the ridiculous action sequences, but the fact that those 9 pirate lords didn't make a 9-way prissy-pants-nonpirate shish kabob out of her is an insult to pirates, and thus, to me.

Yesterday I received some mail I'm sure we've all had before. A call to donate money and save a starvin marvin, complete with a free gift just for opening the envelope of address labels. I always felt a little guilty when I used those address labels to sticker my father's face during his naptime, knowing that the money used to make those stickers should have gone to the needy children, but that wasn't enough for Unicef. They had to push my self loathing a step further. Yesterday, along with the address labels, came a nickel. A REAL NICKEL. They sent me actual money. With a little note that said, "As a sign of your support, please return this nickel with your contribution -- it might be enough to save a child's life!"

So now if I don't donate, not only am I an asshole, I'm also a theif. Stealing the real actual money straight from their emaciated little fingers. I wonder how many nickels they sent out to people who didn't even bother to open the envelope. If this nickel could save a child's life, why the hell are they sending it to me? I suddenly have this weird feeling that my minimum of a $25 donation would just end up broken down into tiny incriments which would end up in the trashcans of families who already have many many nickels and no starving children.

Poor form, Unicef. Poor form.

...and even if you didn't, the Zoological Society of London has launched the most wonderful site, called EDGE (which stands for Evolutionarily Distinct & Globally Endangered). It was created to raise awareness of unique and critically endangered animals that you have probably never heard of. Two-thirds of the top 100 EDGE mammal species are currently receiving little or no conservation attention. Little guys like The Indri, pictured at left The Long-beaked echidna, and The Long-Eared Jerboa could be DEAD FOREVER, but at least their pictures will live on in the Information Super-highway. However, the point of the website is not to delight us for years to come with its funny little pictures of animals soon to be DEAD FOREVER, but to implement the research and conservation actions needed to secure the little fella's future. It's also a place one can donate money to support local scientists in the conservation effort. Specifically, they aim to see that every animal in their Top 100 most endangered receive attention within the next 5 years.

It's got fairy tales, violence, the woods, fresh milk, spanish women, antique vials, fairies, pocket watches, enough fantasy to make a LARPer blush, monsters, blood, creepy paintings, long slender keys, bedtime stories, religious imagery, knives, post-civil war Spain (what's a movie without it?), a princess, underground caves, lullabies, mandrake root, afternoon sun streaming through the trees, dangerous tasks, grapes, a faun, chalk, the waxing moon, magic stones, and ambiguous lines between fantasy and reality.

It's dark, and it's beautiful, and it's violent.

Rotten Tomatoes gave it 97%!

I highly recommend The Official Website, which is streaming the beautiful soundtrack. You can browse through Guillermo del Toro's sketchbook, and you can also check out the entries for the sketchbook contest where one can submit their own fantasy drawings, the prize being winner's sketches will be included on the DVD.

If you haven't been yet, or even if you have, now is a great time to visit the Brooklyn Museum. I frequented the museum when I lived in Park Slope, but never did it have so many great special exhibitions.

The reason I went to the Museum this time around was the Ron Mueck exhibition. If you're not familiar with his work, you can check out Washington Post's collection of images to get an idea of how incredibly life-like his either larger scale or smaller scale sculptures are. A Scottish artist with no formal art training, Mueck creates silicone replicas of people, like the tiny 3-foot old ladies at the left, an enormous woman in bed, and a lightly smaller than scale replica of his dead, naked father, plus lots of others. Each hair on each model is implanted by hand. Seriously, they are unreal. The detail in these things blows my mind.

Like knowing how stuff works? Science? British People? Animation? Like tv shows from 1988-1993?

Yes? You do? Yeah, who doesn't. Then The Secret Life of Machines, which you may be able to deduce is a British programme from '88-'93, which explains how ordinary things work through experiments, diagrams, history and animation, might just be for you.

Some subjects you have to look forward to are fax machines, vaccum cleaners, elevators, quartz watches, and refridgerators. But that's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, my friends (Don't you hate and preversely kind of love the douche bags who says proverbial like that?)

The tv series was created by and stars Tim Hunkin (who has an extensive site of his work Here. He has done all kinds of awesome stuff, including mechanical animated piggy banks, simulator rides, arcade machines, interactive exhibits, and lots of other neato stuff, worth your browse), and the show was based on a comic strip that he drew for the Observer newspaper for 19 years. He also wrote and illustrated a book of science experiments for children 8-80 called Hunkin's Experiments.

To watch, simply type The Secret Life of Machines into your friendly neighborhood Google Video, and you're on your way. Also visit the secret life of machines website to see all of the orginal comics.

And just because I know you're lazy, I'll start you off. Here's The Secret Life of Machines...THE CENTRAL HEATING SYSTEM!

Apples to apples is a very simple game. It takes about 30 seconds to learn. Basically, there is a stack of red cards, which are nouns, and a stack of green cards, which are adjectives. This is a group game, and players take turns being the judge. Each player holds a bunch of random noun cards in their hand, and the "judge" puts down an adjective card, for example, "sexy". The other players then have ten seconds to put down the card in their hand that they think best represents sexy. The judge then decides which card is the best match and the person who played it wins that round. Sounds sort of lame, right? I thought so.

But it isn't. Because the judge goes through each card that is layed down, eliminating them with explanations, "Clearly the least sexy of these cards is "creamed corn". Who the hell put down creamed corn?" And then the putter downer of creamed corn shouts, "Creamed corn is ridiculously sexy! It's all warm and smooth and creamy!" and then there is a burst of argument over whether creamed corn is sexy or no. And this repeats for every card put down. It is the groupiest group game I've ever played. Everyone is involved and even meek game playing personalities become brazen. And as you start to learn what certain people like, what their humors lean towards, you start to playing to the judge, which actually tends to complicate things.

On Thursday night, I played this game for 5 hours with 8 people. On Saturday, about 4, with 9 people. It is by far one of the best group activites in the world. No one can feel left out with Apples to apples. Or feel bored. It is group gaming perfection.

After my almost embarrassingly lazy Christmas break in Maine, I came home to something truly magical. The first game for PS2 that's been able to hold my attention since God of War. I had never heard of Gitaroo Man, but Liam, after looking up something about Elite Beat Agents, found a refernece to this cult classic, and found himself a semi-rare American version on eBay, and it was waiting for my perusal when I got home. And peruse I did. I really can't seem to stop perusing.

It's kind of like Parappa the Rappa (for Playstation, and then I think some updated version for PS2), but it looks more like a seizure, it's a lot more enjoyable to listen to, and the gameplay is a lot more interesting (and challenging). You're still doing pretty much impossible button combinations, but you're also "playing guitar", meaning follwing a line with your joystick which ebbs and flows as the melody does. It probably sounds kind of easy, but it's really not.

A collection of Wii-related accidents, Wii Have a Problem is a great reiteration for the reminder before each Wii game to put on the wrist strap and tighten it good and tight like, and don't stand near anything while you play. Images of cracked TV and computer screens abound. Looks like bowling is the biggest culprit. These crazy kids are just letting go of the remote like it's the ball. I blame these people who don't like videogames, but like the wii (because no one is immune to the wii). They just don't know how to control themselves. Also, some of the straps are just breaking, so there's that too. The swiit thing about most of these accidents, is while the TV screens shatter, the Wii remote usually works just fine. Built like a rock.

That said, has anyone played any sweet Wii games besides Red Steel, which isn't sweet at all, but rather a most mundane of first person shooters? I'm sure wii're all looking forward to Touched's release in January. And can wii all agree that golf is by far the best of the sports games?

Last week, Dylan, Katie and I set down our Guitar Hero controllers for a few hours and headed out to one of only four days of The Theater of Science. We didn't know anything about it, hearing only that it was being compared to the Victorian "tradition in which audiences attended the theatre to see scientific demonstrations as entertainment." And it was just that. Only a little over an hour long, the show came over to us from England, with an experimental psychologist and former professional magician, Professor Richard Wiseman, and physicist and popular science author, Dr. Simon Singh (author of 'Fermat's Enigma' and 'Big Bang') as our Mc's. There was also an English contortionist who gave a demonstration of her bendy spine, her short show ending in stuffing herself into a small box (truthfully, I saw a better body-in-box-stuffing act while waiting in line for the Circle Line ferry that takes tourists to the Statue of Liberty...in fact, I saw all sorts of fantastic acts while in the line for 2.5 hours).

But besides the contortionist, who really wasn't all that bad, the show was a lot of fun. It felt a lot like Bill Nye the Science Guy for grownups. They electrocuted a pickle. There was slight of hand and card tricks. There were optical illusions and quick comedic science lessons. Both Wiseman and Singh had the audience laughing the whole time, and were great at keeping us involved and interested. Most of the show was about what a person can convince himself is true, and being able to only see that, tricking your mind. It was fascinating, and it was fun.

...(BEGIN DORK-OUT)...

...Guitar Hero 2 is WICKED! (I shall be using some more ou of use synomyms for awesome, because our current words are too overused to express the RADICALNESS of Guitar Hero 2).
Their song selection is soooo Smart and PRIME this time around, even the repetitive songs are fun because they're BITCHIN, like Heart Shaped Box. I never thought I'd see the day when I was playing and singing along to Heart Shaped Box. I need to get some flannels and thermals post haste. I have to say, putting aside the SICK set list for a moment, I think the GNARLIEST part about GH2 is the cooperative. It is so MAGIC to play a song with someone else, and not just be trading back and forth the same part. With one person playing lead, and the other playing bass or rythym guitar, it's a step closer to feeling like you're actually making music and not just mashing plastic buttons when the tv tells you to. SO LEET.

...(END DORK-OUT)...

Last night the most wonderful thing happened to me. There I was, sitting on the subway, when a man came bursting into our car with bells jangling. He was carrying an old fashioned box and a stand to put it on. "Oh my god, he's going to do magic," I whispered excitedly to Katie. "No he's not," Katie said, incessently thinking that I am wrong and she is right. Well this time, my friends, Katie was wrong. So very wrong.

Our good friend over at Boobs Radley has pointed out to me a golden nugget of headlining news from Yahoo News. Okay, get ready for this, because you are going to be SHOCKED...ready?...The headline reads: Vampires a Mathematical Impossibility, Scientist Says! (I didn't add that exclamation point, by the way) The all too short article goes on to tell us that an alarming percentage of the public actually believes that vampires and zombies exist. (I'm going to say it's safe to assume they mean the American public)...I wish someone had published this sooner, because the only reason I wanted to move to Eastern Europe was to find the vampires that I was sure were hiding in castles there...now I have to rethink my entire life plan...perhaps I should turn my focus to something scientists can't debunk...like werewolves, or maybe the Blob.

The nicely designed Stationary movies has a bunch of scenes from famous movies made with office supplies, and you guess what movie they're from. I got 12/20 so far, and the ones I can't get are driving me crazy! (If my explanation didn't make any sense, just go check it out, you'll understand). You can also take your own picture and send it in, and if it wins, you get a big old certificate to buy a bunch of movies. Let me know if you get them all so I can be jealous of you and be properly put to shame. (I'm counting on you, Stephen, I know how you like puzzles).

I've come to the disheartening conclusion that you guys do not enjoy my movie reviews, and I've been trying to hold off on them as of late. But you know what? I watch a lot of movies and I like to talk about them, so screw you guys.

I'll keep them short though.

Marie Antoinette: Pretty vapid, but I didn't mind it, perhaps because my inner lesbo has a thing for Kirsten Dunst. Yeah, I know, you hate her. Everyone does. I don't care, I think she's cute. If you hate her though, you're most likely going to hate this movie. As expected, it certianly wasn't spectacular, the pacing was weird, and her life was broken into sections, and it moved without warning from one part of her life to the next without reason. Coppola didn't try very hard to show us what makes Marie Antoinette such a captivating and compelling person in history. The costumes were cool (of course) and the whole movie was really very pretty. The ending was an insulting cop-out and I was disappointed that there was no chop chop (the way in which she was unjustly persecuted is what makes her fascinating...how do you leave her entire imprisonment out of her life story?!) Oh! And the fucking 80's music couldn't have been more irritating. Seriously.

The Prestige: Pretty damn sweet. And by pretty damn sweet, I mean David Bowie as Tesla was pretty damn sweet. He was a small part in the movie, but they made sure that he was totally sweet the entire time. As for the other 110 minutes of the movie, it was really good. It was almost more a story of obsession than magic, persay, and I was guessing and fascinated the whole way through (no small feat when you're about one inch from the theater screen and have to keep wrenching your head left and right to get the whole picture). Christian Bale was great and Hugh Jackman pleasantly surprised me as well (usually I really can't handle him without his Wolverine sideburns). Scarlett Johanson has a terrible British accent, and plays your average sexy character entirely lacking in depth. I can't really say anything about the plot since it would give it away. Personally, I thought The Illusionist was more magical and delicate (although most people would vehemently disagree and yell at me about how corny it was, and then I would cry). The Prestige obviously was intended for a larger audience and was much more focused on action...but you know, one wasn't better than the other, they were just different (surprisingly different for such similar storylines). In conclusion, David Bowie Rules.

So you don't like Atlas Shrugged (because nature didn't select you to be a super human like me, I understand, you're sort of bitter). Well maybe you'll like this better, you simpletons.

They're making a Fraggle Rock Movie!

Update: I forgot to mention that Frank Zappa's son is making it, if it means anything to you.

It looks like it's going to be a trilogy, and Angelina Jolie will be Dagny Taggart...you know, I think Sigourney Weaver would be more appropriate...or Frances McDormand. Maybe they're too old, but somehow, they both are so sexy because of their convincing lack of emotion. Anyway, excited to see the utopia where all the retired industrialists hide. Who's going to play John Galt? Christian Bale, maybe? He's so hot right now. I could really see him as the physical and intellectual representation of man’s ideal. Him or Popeye.

Wee! Sony Bravia (makers of the lovely advert where a squillion bouncy balls are shot bouncing their way down San Fransisco streets in slow motion) have made a new one. This time they're exploding paint out of some buildings in Glasgow. It's pretty sweet, especially the inside shots, which I wish there were more of. I could do without the clown, and I feel like The Thieving Magpie (the overture from Gioacchino Rossini's opera by the same name, which you will probably remember from A Clockwork Orange, and probably a bunch of radio and television commercials) is kind of played out, yo, and they could have found something a little more virgin to the ears, but otherwise, it's really cool. The behind-the-scenes video is good to watch too. They've got a good creative team (and piles of money to burn, apparently) over at Sony Bravia.

Exploding Paint Ad

There's a great post today on the Athanasius Kircher Society Blog about ways to ensure that someone was actually dead before burying them in the days before modern medicine. These included a delightful hospitals for the “doubtful dead", also known as waiting mortuaries. These were environments which encouraged the rotting of a dead body (probably very warm, very wet, and with Celine Dion songs playing on a loop)...each doubtful dead would be equipped with a string attached to a bell, so they could be all, "duuude! I'm not dead!" Sadly, corpses have the unnerving tendency to twitch, so these waiting mortuaries were rife with false alarms.

Lots more (including "security coffins" with air tubes and horns for tooting, in case you awake to find yourself buried) at Athanasius Kircher Society.

And if you're into that sort of thing (and who doesn't want to be a Lost Boy, I mean really?) head over to Germany, and check in to Propeller Island City Lodge, a hotel filled with wacky novelty rooms including a coffin room, where, dream of dreams! you can finally sleep in a coffin. The site has pictures of all 45 rooms, and if you've got some spare time on your hands (and I know you do), it's pretty fun to look at. I especially enjoyed the room with the cages hanging from the ceiling.

Tenacious D made a little video to promote their new album. The iTunes plug at the end is probably the best convincer to buy music instead of steal that I've ever heard. Tell it like it is, Tenacious D. (I'm probably going to continue stealing, though.)

Not too sure about the Tenacious D movie coming out soon, (Trailer) it could easily go either way. I'm really feeling up for some dumb comedy though. Anyone seen Jackass 2? I hear good things, but not from reliable sources.

Also, wasn't School of Rock a great movie? I like Jack Black, most of the time. (I was going to make a crack about Nacho Libre being crappy, but frankly, the hater jokes in the comments are getting a little tired, and for one post, I'm trying to avoid them).

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory originally had a chapter called, "Spotty Powder" and a character called Miranda Piker, who was edited out of the final verson. Now you can read the lost chapter at Times Online. I'm glad she was edited out, Miranda Piker is a square and a smart-ass and I hate her. Although the implied cannibalism wasn't wasted on me. Apparently Miranda's fate was too chilling to be included in the book. I say, bitch got what she deserved.

Spotty Powder

Ugly Overload never fails to put a smile on my face, especially when I'm feeling misanthropic.

Check out the trailer for the adaptation of Frank Miller's 300. I've never read it (Eric, can you tell me more?), but the trailer definitely intrigues me. Like Sin City, it was shot entirely on green screen with CG backgrounds to try and preserve the look of a comic book illustration. The trailer looks like a cross between Night Watch, Lord of the Rings, and God of War. Seriously.

Check out the Trailer

Read the production blog here, should you be so inclined.

...if you don't have health insurance to cover the vaccine (or if you just don't feel like getting it).

I have had the flu in the worst way. I had a fever for four days straight and was bedridden for 7 days. I am now a weak and shrivelled specimen of the woman I once was. I really don't want anyone else to get the flu because it really blows and you have to miss a bunch of work (although you also get to miss a few of those unwanted pounds...bonus!)

Please enjoy the list of Don't Get the Flu Tips I've complied for your enojyment and education

I have discovered a treasure troph with the potential to take all jaded parts of my personality and wipe them clean. The hater in me could actually die. If I only I had a PC. (Curses Apple, your streamlined asthetics have foiled me again!) In2tv, Aol's little tv downloady site has a vintage section with episodes of my favorite shows as a kid. I'm serious, when Welcome Back Kotter first came on Nick at Night, it was shown at 4am, and I would go to sleep and have an alarm set for 4am so I could wake up and watch it. (I don't know why I didn't just tape it....) On In2tv, such delights as Welcome Back, Kotter, Perfect Strangers, Growing Pains, Our Gang, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, and Wonder Woman are ripe for the picking. Unfortunately, I missed this when I sold my soul to Apple. Will someone with a PC please enjoy Balki bailing Larry out after one of his hairbrained scemes goes awry for me? I promise it will be rich with slapstick and cultural misunderstandings.

If you, too, are a Mac user, you'll just have to settle for a page of Balki-isms, like this classic: "Well rub my chest and call me Vix"

America loves my most hated "celebrity". Which is why I'm leaving the country.
The bubbly, perky cook (if you can call using a microwave "cooking") with the robotic smile, Rachael Ray, is Ameria's #2 most trusted person according to Forbes Website. In other news, Liam's most hated "celebrity" also made the list. Can you find him?

Here's the list:
1. Tom Hanks
2. Rachael Ray
3. Michael J Fox
4. Oprah
5. James Earl Jones
6. Denzel Washington
7. Ty Pennington
8. Ron Howard
9. Morgan Freeman
10. Reese Witherspoon

I trust Rachael Ray for one thing: to be the absolute most annoying person I have ever experienced. Actually, two things: to trigger my gag reflex everytime she calls a Sandwich a SAMMY.

Well, I guess MTV is jumping on the video game bandwagon and has bought Harmonix. Expect to see MTVs logo slapped all over Guitar Heroes near you. They plan to put new songs for GH on their websites and virtual worlds (MTV has virtual worlds? Who knew?) so fans can play along with or even remix their favorite songs.

It's not such a shabby move for MTV. It also probably means that everyone and their mom will have Guitar Hero now. (Which means we won't be special anymore!) Harmonix also makes some karaoke game that MTV will be utilizing as well. It's kind of crappy that MTV can just be like, oh someone made something cool, let's buy it and litter it with our oh-so-stale name. But such is life, I guess. At least it means new songs. Even if they are by Evanescence and Beyonce.

This NY Times article will tell you all about it

Do you like:
-The Simpsons
-South Park
-Futurama
-Family Guy
-American Dad
Well, okay, no one likes American Dad. But now you can watch every episode of every season of every one of these cartoons to your hearts content (except American Dad, because, again, no one likes it. They were really reaching with the alien that leaks gross liguid and the German trapped in a goldfish's body, I mean, jesus. If you're going to do surreal avant gardy cartoons, at least employ nice character design! That show is just so ugly. And the family itself is thinly veiled copy of Family Guy, which is a weakly disguised reprint of the Simpons, except this time around, they are completely non-likable characters. Worse, it's not even funny!...but I digress).
Dailyepisodes.com

I don't know if this will outrage anyone else, or kill their inner childhood magic like it did mine, but they've made myy favorite movie, Edward Scissorhands, into musical! They totally just jacked Danny Elfman's most beautiful music and put dancing to it. You can see clips on the website and let me tell you the worst part: Edward Scissorhands isn't even hot! Not even a little. Unless you think Christopher Lloyd in a shiny brown leotard is hot, because that's what he looks like.

Stupid taking good stuff and making it bad.

Check it out if you want to be sad: Dancing Scissorhands

Did you guys know that New York City houses a Nintendo World? (I don't recommend this link...their site is infuriating). But wow, the store is fun. It's big and bright and looks like it's from the future. But more importantly, there are video games to play with everywhere you turn! They had about 30 DSs and GBAs scattered about, and a bunch of game cube setups on the second floor. Children were running around like headless chickens. Liam and I were by far the largest people there (besides the parents, who were NOT having fun). One inspiring conversation was overheard, a young boy telling his nanny that he felt guilty making his mom buy him a DS, a game, AND a case. Good for him, he should feel bad. The cost of that fun bundle could save like 500 African kids. The Nanny just told him not to feel bad.

I wish I was still a kid.

Like sexy cakes:

Also fancy cheeses, fresh fish, fresh meat, wine, fresh produce, a coffee shop, an art gallery, household goods, a clock store(?), a barber shop, a restaurant, a tailor, ethnic foods, and sexy cakes. Also spaghetti cakes. And most of it is pretty cheap (well, not the cakes).

The Essex Market has been around for 60 years. When it opened in the 30's, it was because there were so many pushcarts on the street that firetrucks and police cars couldn't do their policing and fire fighting in a timely fashion. So the mayor at the time (Mayor Fiorello H. LaGuardia) created indoor retail markets as a permanent home for street vendors. Essex Street is one of those original indoor markets.

Gay Firefighter cake after the jump

I predict Dogster is the new myspace...I mean, what's more punk rock than being part of the online dog social network? Check it out, I'm officially a dog! Please feel free to visit and leave me a bone, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh. (I probably won't leave it up very long...I'd hate to have corrupting the minds of innocent children on my conscience).

UPDATE! My dogster profile has already been flagged by someone and is currently being reviewed by the board of Dogsters. Took about 15 minutes. Just so you know, it was funny. And gross.

Well I don't know about you guys, but I think the new iTunes looks tacky. TACKY. Everything looks bubbly and colorful and stupid. And the new shuffle? Who would want that ugly peice of clip-on rubbish clipped to their shirt? It is neither sleek nor innovative. Is Apple getting crappy?

Sick of those four Apes and Androids songs breaking up while myspace buffers them? Because I know I am. Well soon, the 3 million unsigned bands on myspace like them can sell their music right on myspace. They can charge whatever they like, with a small percent going to myspace. This is excpected to go into effect by the end of this year.

The idea of using Myspace and sort of manipulating it to your advantage is a really interesting phenomenon, which has been especially apparent to me with Four Eyed Monsters, who are using myspace to generate interest in their self distributed film. They have a series of podcasts about the film, as we all know and love, which are about the creative process of the film, the problems that they had, the things that were exciting. Watching this process is especially inpiring for young artist types who are trying to do the same thing (and who all, naturally, have Myspace accounts). And through the fans of these podcasts, they've gotten screenings four screenings in six major cities (Thursdays in September), completely on their own.

The double tusked narwhal and the thickly mustachioed hick.

I can tell you right now that you can wait to netflix it later. It's good, don't get me wrong, but it is by no means "amazing", which everyone seems to say about it. I mean, jeez! I looked on Rotten Tomatoes and 93% of the critics on there loved it! Sure, Steve Carroll was great and the teenage boy was great, well, okay, everyone was great, but it just came off as a movie I've seen before. Lots of times before. The indie story of the off-beat family of misfits who pull together in the end because, damnit, they're a family, has been done so many times. Little Miss Sunshine is well acted and well written, but it doesn't really say anything too original. It's funny, but sometimes the kookiness of the characters is a little forced. I thought the Squid and the Whale was a much more interesting story, and came off as much more human, personally.

In conclusion, it was good, but I wish I had waited to rent it. I'm so surprised that everyone keeps falling for quirky family stories as original.

I had this rainy Tuesday off, and I thought, "what better way to enjoy a rainy day than to spend it in some rich old dead guy's house?" which I promptly did. The Morgan Library and Museum has recently reopened after renowned architect Renzo Piano redid the building (which used to be the court yard between Morgan's house and his library and study, which were in a seperate building on the property). It's nice, very big and sunny with lots of skylights, although definitely a little more on the modern tip than I personally prefer. But the library and Pierpont Mogan's study made up for that. Inspired by the Renaissance, both rooms are magestic and beautiful, yet intimate in scale. The Morgan is recognized as one of the world's greatest treasuries of artistic, literary, musical, and historical works, but it began as one man's private collection. In 1924, eleven years after Pierpont Morgan's death, his son, J. P. Morgan realized that the library had become too important to remain in private hands. In what constituted one of the most momentous cultural gifts in U.S. history, he fulfilled his father's dream of making the library and its treasures available to scholars and the public alike by transforming it into a public institution.

Watching a 17 foot marionette lick a lollipop has never been so sensual. The three storey elephant isn't nothing to scoff at neither.

Did you guys see that the "guerrilla artist" Banksy (the guy who hung his own art in the Met and the Brooklyn Museum last year...go look at his website, he's amazing) hijacked a shipment of 500 Paris Hilton cds and replaced the cd with a disc of ridiculous remixes (Banksy had the help of Danger Mouse on these, who said, ""It's hard to improve on perfection, but we had to try.")... and replaced the inner artwork with his own manipulated artwork? Oh, it's just priceless. (Actually, they're going for about $1,500 on Ebay right now, so maybe not quite priceless, but almost).

Pics and video after the jump:

Buffalo Exchange, a second hand clothing store in Williamsburg, opened its first store in 1974 in Tuscan, Arizona. They now have over 25 locations in the US. Secondhand clothing is great, because the E.P.A. estimates that textiles make up about 4% of U.S. municipal solid waste, so trading used clothing has a positive environmental impact. I personally have been trying to buy Only used clothing (it's so hard to stick to, especially for shoes), and Buffalo Exchange is great because their clothes are really cool and really affordable. Plus I can sell all my old clothes to them and get pretty decent store credit. Not only that, when a customer accepts a token instead of a bag for her purchases, they will donate the amount the bag would cost to a charity of your choice. Through the Tokens for Bags program, Buffalo Exchange has generated $218,000 in donations to hundreds of nonprofit groups since 1994.

Karen Black from Art Parade 2005
I have received the good word that last year's art parade was a lot of fun and more importantly, there were free drinks. Besides free drinks (free drinks!) you can expect performances, costumes, floats, kites, portable sculptures, and "street spectacles" (like tiny drunk monkeys juggling bears, I hope?) from local artists, designers and performers.

It's this Saturday at 4 along West Broadway and there should be free drinks (free drinks!).
Link

Remember when I was all like, "OMG, Carnivale is the best show in the whole wide world? Well, After finishing the second season (the post was written after viewing the first season) I'd like to state that the second season kind of sucks. Apparently Carnivale was supposed to have a 5 season run. Then HBO was all, hey, now it's going to be three seasons, so condense that story. Which resulted in a corny-baloney plotline where a squillion things happened in every episode and it became silly. Absurd, even. The element of mystery was gone, and suddenly, you just didn't care about the characters that much. Completely unlike the first season, they really didn't focus on the characters, they focused on trying to fit a five season story into three, which, incidentally, turned into two, and now I have to admit, I can understand why HBO cancelled it. And if you remember, I said that HBO cancelled it because it had come to a natural ending, and then I said after reading essage boards, instead of coming to an ending, it actually ended in an even bigger cliffhanger. Well, now that I've seen it, I can say it's true and it's not. It kind of did come to a natural ending, but then in the last minute, it was like, but wait...maybe he's not dead....!! The second season was a like a bad made-for-the-Sci-Fi-channel-movie, complete with cheesy effects (although it was still quite beautiful). I mean, you can blame HBO for making them condense 5 seasons into 3, but you can't blame them for cancelling it when it started to suck. There, I've said it.

I found Sometimes I Feel Like I'm the Only One Trying To Gentrify This Neighborhood to be a DOOZY!

Yesterday's Mandy: Moore, Please entry (I didn't think to call it that until this morning, hindsight is a bitch) was supposed to be more of a review of Comic Life than a tribute to my BFF, Mandy, but I got so into it that I worked on it till 6:20, and if you know me, you know I stay late at work for nothing. NOTHING! Perhaps that in and of itself is my review. It's so much fun that it will make you stay late at work.

Basically, as soon as you open it up and take a gander at the interface, you already know how to use it. I mean, a computer wizzz like me knows how to use every application in the world after a quick looksee, but I'd venture to say that any goon out there can figure this one out. Here, Download your free 30 day trial, you goon, and see for yourself.

Today at Bumble and bumble, where I work, I saw Mandy Moore. I sidled up next to her, we made eye contact, and in that moment, we shared all of our secrets, we had pillow fights, we cried in each other's arms, we shopped, we fought, we talked on the phone for hours. We were BFFs.

Please Enjoy the following graphic novel about our friendship after the jump. Please. I worked on it all day.

We officially lost a planet, there's only 8 left.

If they can take a planet out of the Solar System, then why can't they make a licorice flavored milkshake? Or put a stop to Lifetime, the Network for Women? Or do away with Mariah Carey, once and for all? Priorities, people!

Last night Katie and I watched the 9-11 conspiracy video, Loose Change, that's been circulating on the internet for awhile now. I had never heard of it, but a co-worker of Katie's said it changed the way she viewed everything. I doubted I would agree, but my interest was definitely piqued. So we sat down and watched the hour long video which went point by point through the Twin Tower attacks, the Pentagon attack, the hijackers, Osama's confession tape, etc etc. And I have to give it to him, I was calling bullshit, but I couldn't stop watching it either. Conspiracys are fascinating, and I almost wouldn't put it past the Bush administration. Almost.

Oh jeez. Next season's Survivor is the worst idea ever. There will be four teams...broken up by race! That means whites, blacks, latinos and asians. Perhaps an intersting social experiment, but I have a feeling it's going to be nasty. My vote is for the blacks. Survivor doesn't have a lot of math problems to do, so that pretty much counts the Asians out. The Latinos will be busy sweeping the sand off the white team's hut doorstep and cleaning their coconut shell bowls, so they won't have time to compete. And the Whites can't win, because black people would be PISSSED! First slavery, then segregation, I figure at least one of them's got a million dollars in game show money coming to him.

Doesn't it seem creepy that viewers at home will be rooting for their "team" to win? It just doesn't feel right, does it?

Why does everyone think this movie is such a masterpiece? It's like someone woke up one day and said, Waaah, I wanna make a Noir film. Too bad all I have is these teenagers in 2006...wait a minute, that's it! and then proceeded to take said teenagers and make arrogant attempt to copy noir's one-of-a-kind style.

Noir is known for the dark. The use of dark and light is a key feature in these films; characters exist in the dark with their dark souls, hiding in the shadows from whatever they're hiding from, and beam of light at the right moment reveals secrets, intentions, deceits.
Brick borrows the use of dark for a few intense scenes, but it's so intentional that it takes away from the action. It works like a gimmick instead of an art.

Last night Dylan and I were jonzing for some cookies. My roommate, Tara, has these delicious Waffle Butter cookies that are so good they taste like the majesty of the crane and the dignity of the unicorn. But alas, I knew if we broke into them, we would promptly devour them all. So I cam up with a novel thought, let's make our own butter cookies! And that's just what we did. And you can do it too. You too can achieve instant gratification and instant mouth-to-stomach satisifaction in just a few simple steps. Here's how:

Remember when Sam and Dylan were so into Victoriana? I mean, there's even a catergory on this blog for Victoriana. What happened, guys? Remember how you were going to start dressing like Victorian gentlemen (who, by the way, only wear silk, anything else would be below them). You really fell off on that, huh? It's always disappointing to find that your friends became temporarily obsessed with something just becauseCostume National had a collection inspired by it.

Let's face it, you guys just love fashion and want to look like hot guys that all the chicks want to bang. I suggest finding out who makes this beautiful watch and starting there.

I went in not expecting much, and left giggling with joy. I can't remember the last time I felt so happy about seeing a movie. It's is no illusion..it's a great movie. The Illusionist is based on a short story by Steven Millhauser, who if you haven't read, you should because his stories are bizarre and funny and wonderful. The acting was superb. Not only that, but each character just looked and sounded great on screen. I can't explain it. There were a lot of tight shots on the characters thinking or reacting or talking, and everyone just had such an interesting looking face. And the voice acting was done nicely. The voices sounded so important, so...crispy. There was a lot of emphasis on the characters themselves, almost more so than the story itself, which makes sense since the story was very character driven. The Cinamatography was beautiful, and the sets were detailed and pleasing to the eye. (of course, who doesn't love Victorian Vienna? Who?) The story had a beautiful arch, the plot kept me wondering where it could possibly be going next, I loved and cared for Edward Norton's character, Eisenheim, the script never felt forced or weird, and the magic tricks were original. A lot of slight of hand, but also a lot of fascinating stuff I've never seen before that gave it a really special feeling. And like Dylan said in his post about Ricky Jay, all of the tricks in the movie are real tricks that could have been done at the turn of the century. There is no CG. The music also had a huge effect on my love for this movie. Of course it did, it was done by Philip Glass. The ending was truly satisfying, and I found myself thinking about the movie all that night and the next day.

the only part I didn't love was the sex scene because it was corny and not very imaginitive, but they kept it brief so I forgive them.

It's an all-around well-crafted movie driven by good storytelling and good characters. It's like a really awesome kids movie for grownups Don't believe what the crappy Trailer makes this movie seem like.

If you like Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, good plotlines, Steven Millhauser, magic tricks, Victoriana, Philip Glass, or things that are awesome, you should see this movie. (And don't worry, I know you don't like Jessica Biel, but believe it or not, she's pretty decent in it). Yay Illusionist!

I haven't posted in awhile because I've been home sick for the past few days without internet (Damn you, Time Warner Cable! You replaced our broken modem with another broken modem and then said you wouldn't have time to give us another (probably broken) modem for two and a half weeks! Don't you know we're living in the age of the information superhighway?! How am I supposed to function?!) Aware of my circumstance, our very own angel, Stephen, brought me over a handful of DS games to occupy my many lonely, tea drinking, kleenex crumpling, vitamin c popping, mucus hawking bed ridden hours. Among others, he brought the intriguing "Trauma Center: Under the Knife". The game reminded me of this game for my old PC that I used to love where the rules made it too complicated to actually play, but I spent a lot of time carving my name into the patient's stomach with my trusty scalpel. He would scream something awful (early 90's computer screaming just wasn't what it is today). Then the screen would show my dead patient with the toe tag and that death song would play. (you know, dum dum da dum, da da da da dum da dam) Anyway, Trauma Center is nothing like that.

LINK

Take a dash of Google Maps, toss in a pinch of Craigslist, stir it up, add some love, and you get My Apartment Map. It is what it sounds like it is. Not a lot on there right now, but I'm sure it will beef right up. i think it's a pretty handy idea. New York's on there, as well as Boston, LA, Philly, San Fransisco, Seattle, and a bunch of others (Dallas? Puh-lease! No one wants to live in Dallas!) So next time you find yourself on Craigslist apartment search typing in key words Bushwick, L Train, Giant, Loft...just go to My Apartment Map and save yourself the trouble.

When I was on the Grave of the Fireflies page in Wikipedia, I saw that in the See Also section, it linked to the Greatest Movies of All Time list (because Roger Ebert considered it one of the greatest war movies of all time). From there I linked to the worst movies of all time list which includes a list of movies disowned by their makers. That's gotta sting. The list includes such gems as Caligula, where the screenwriters sued to have their names taken off the credits (as the movie originally was to be a morality tale but was completely changed by re-writes, re-shoots and re-edits.) Malcom McDowell (my first movie star crush, incidentally) and his female costar publically apologized for the film.

After observing in my queue Howl's Moving Castle, Netflix decided to recommend to me Grave of the Fireflies. So I stuck 'er in my queue, and about a month ago, it popped up in my mailbox. Then I let it sit around for a month, the paper sleeve getting ripped and dirty. Last night I finally felt like being depressed by a cartoon, and I wasn't disappointed. I can't remember the last time I saw something so sad. This movie made me sad about war more than any other war movie I can think of. It's graphic in a soft and horrible way. It looks like Miyazaki, minus the fantasy and plus a lot of suffering. (It was actually shown with my My Neighbor Totoro as a double feature when they were released in 1988, because it was thought that Totoro wouldn't stand up on it's own). It's sweet and beautiful, which of course, makes it more heartbreaking. It seems to not only be a commentary on war, but also on pride.

Snickers's new ad campaign with made up words is assaulting my eyes. Satisfectellent? What the hell is that supposed to make me think? Nougatocity (i'm thinking Nougatoxity)? Substantialiscious?! Hungerectomy (hung erect o my)? Peanutopolis (a metropolis made of peanuts)? These are the lamest madeup words freaking ever! And they didn't even bother to make them googlable! That's just bad Marketing. When people see words that make no sense, they google them, and that's when you're all like, Hungry? Why Wait? (which, by the way, was an ad campaign that made a lot more sense...it says "snickers are filling", which is true. Satisfectellent means nothing. To anyone.)

Here, I have some suggestions for words that make you want a Snickers, instead of words that were clearly made up by people who don't know how to make things up:

How about Choclorgasm? Peanutakesitintheass? Caramellatio? Snickersgivesgoodhead?

So I got my DS Lite (my d-slight) and it's truly a thing of beauty. Slim, shiny, white, elegant, dead pixel...Wait, what? Dead Pixel? That's right, my D-slight came complete with Red Dead Pixel. I tried to take it back and exchange for alive pixels, but the store informed me it ain't their problem, and that I would have to send it to Nintendo. And wait longer and longer for gameplay heaven? I decided that my D-Slight's dead pixel displayed a kind of beauty that only a mother could love, and chose to keep him, to protect him from those cruel people who don't accept him for his differences.

But yeah, DS rules! Thank you for all the suggestions, I ended up going for 2 standards for the time being, Brain Age and New Super Mario Brothers. I can't wait till I have enough money to buy more. I played Brain Age on the commute this morning (I got a 25...not bad for first thing in the morning, huh?)

I'm doing it! Despite desperately trying to save money and continually telling myself, "okay, me, you're in money-saving mode officially now, so no buying things", and despite telling all my friends at work that I'm not spending any money this week, and suffering on flattened peanut butter and jellys for the past 3 weeks instead of buying lunch like everyone else, yes, despite all this, I'm buying a Nintendo DS. I'm doing it today...in the heat wave, I'm walking a good 25 minutes each way, and I'm getting it. Getting it good. And I'm getting Brain Age. Although anyone played Big Brain Academy? I've read good things about it.
But I want another game too, and I need advice. What's a good one? Something like Star Fox DS or New Super Mario Bros. You know, something where I'm a little guy going through levels. Tetris DS perhaps? Or maybe something just totally weird like Cooking Mama. What about Nintendogs, it seems so lame? Something I can enjoy for many hours alone while my PS2 has been taken hostage at the Jug. Any and all suggestions will be lovingly considered and humbly appreciated.

I made one too, see?

Remember back in the spring when I wrote about the Total Destruction of the Williamsburg Waterfront? I talked about the lux condos and the water taxi and the possiblity of a new L stop on Kent and the pearching of more lux on top of what should have been named a historical landmark. I also mentioned a waterfront park.

We still have plenty of construction filled days and nights while we wait for all that lux, but the day of the East River Park is nearly here. And it looks like a desert.

Tomorrow! The Warriors screening at Coney Island. Screening at 8:30, and afterward cast members Q and A! Cyrus, Swan, Mercy, Cochise, Vermin, Snow, Cleon, Cowboy and Fox!

Not only that, at 1:00pm, teams of 9 can meet and participate in a city-wide scavenger hunt (in full colors) and the first team back to coney with everything on the list gets brunch with the cast and 9 leather warriors vests!

Listen guys, I'm willing to call in sick to work for this. I'm not kidding. I'M NOT KIDDING. With your city smarts, your quick wits, your vast knowledge of NY trivia, and my charming good looks, we can win this thing!

Um, Ryan, there's a Poseidon Adventure in Long Beach on August 27...the screening is in the art deco ballroom of the Queen Mary with a tour of the ship afterward...that's as cool as the Warriors...sort of...

Warriors Screening Link

Hasn't the NYPD wasted enough time fighting "crime", "violence", and "speeding cars"? Isn't it about time we start focusing our energies on the real crime, overzealous bicylists? I think it's past time, my friends. Past time.

And I am happy to announce that that the time is now. At long last, Bicylists will be receiving a well-deserved $60 ticket if caught in the illegal act of riding on the Brooklyn Bridge. Freaking finally, right? I mean, I know there is a lane designated for bicycles, and on the Wikipedia page about the Brooklyn Bridge it states "Carries: Motor vehicles, elevated trains (until 1944), streetcars (until 1950), pedestrians, and bicycles". But we all know those lanes should have been eliminated years ago, and Wikipedia is outdated. Bicycles are a thing of the past, and frankly, make our city look bad.

I don't know about you, but my fruits and vegetables have been gross lately. Like the day after i buy them, my cherries and peaches are already rotten, katie's celery is bendy instead of snappy, my eggplants are squishy, my broccoli is yellow, the string beans are brown, and so on. After I gave it a little thought, I realized it probably had to do with the food I'm buying not being in season. Often times, food not in season is being shipped from China (as Liam kindly pointed out to me, which he read in an article in the L Magazine, which I couldn't obtain as the little magazine stands near the subway were empty.)

I hit the booze a little hard last night, and have been exceptionally cross all day. I tried listening to This American Life, I tried looking at Cute Overload, looked at the pictures from Justin's birthday celebration from last night, read up on trashy celebrity news at Pink is the New Blog, drank some coffee, ate some candy, looked at the collection of bookplates on Biblio Odyssey, but nothing seemed to be working. Until this:

This Saturday, Dylan and I took an evening trip to The Met to enjoy some live chamber music (4-8:30 Fridays and Saturdays, where you also sit and eat fancy appetizers and fancy drinks (including an absinthe/grenadine thingy...absinthe isn't illegal anymore? Was it ever? We will be going back soon for the absinthe and will let you know how things turn out)), and some British Fashion over the in special exhibitions section, called AngloMania:Tradition and Transgression in British Fashion.

I liked it. A lot. The ending surprised and delighted me. The animation left me feelling a little like I was indeed just doing drugs. (I just posted this to show you that I don't hate every movie).

Look at the stamps. Cooooooool!!!!! (I'm sorry to see Wallflower Girl didn't make the cut).

Didja know? Free night movies at McCarren Park Pool on Tuesdays. They're showing some good ones, like Bottle Rocket, Do the Right Thing, and Style Wars (which is to be followed by a party and DJ Spooky...I don't know, do the kids love DJ Spooky these days?) McCarren Park Pool is trying so hard to be hip it makes me want to puke all over its empty-pool-alternative-venue-space-complete-with-slip'n'slide, (I wish they'd just make it a pool. I want a pool! Waaaaa) but you can't really hate on free. Anyway, no website, but you can bet there's a myspace page with the full schedule.

I guess I gave it all away in the title. It's sort of like Hail to the Theif, but less soul crushing. (Or maybe Hail to the Theif just seems soul crushing to me because I was reading Altas Shrugged when I got it, and now I will forever associate the book with the album (but doesn't the cover art for Altas Shrugged go perfectly with Hail to the Theif?)). The Eraser is dreary yet makes me feel a bit anxious. It's not rock and roll at all, which I was hoping against hope that this album would be, but I suppose the days of Pablo Honey are over and I'm just going to have to accept it. Regardless, I like it. Everyone wants to feel like they're entering an album-long bout of dispair once in awhile. And you can only read Ahn Rand so many times. Right guys?

After being on back order for a month, I'm finally the adult wearing Heelys

This is me Heelying in the elevator. Note the motion blur. I'm super fast.

So there's a new reality show. I know what you're thinking...I don't give a crap. Well, I don't really care for your tone, but I'll try to pretend I didn't hear it.

It's Who Wants To Be A Superhero?! It's on the Sci-Fi Channel.

The winner's suerhero becomes immortalized in a comic book by Mr. Stan Lee! Wow, such a cool prize.

Too bad the auditions are over, because I had all kinds of plans.

I know for a fact that a few members of this here blog are going to disagree with me. In fact, they disagreed with me vehemently, in person, just last night. So I wasn't going to say anything. But then I thought of the rest of you, those with good taste, those not looking to waste their money and time. I thought of you and I knew, you had to be fairly warned.

DO NOT GO SEE Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. It makes no difference if you liked the first one. Heck, I own the first one. However, if you are too true a fan to skip the sequel, my suggestion is rent it when it comes out, fast forward to a few of the action scenes, but don't bother watching them all the way through, you'll assuredly be bored by then end of them. Give them 30 seconds each, then move on. Check out the lady in the water hut with the black teeth and the squid faced Davy Jones, but don't bother trying to figure out the plot. It's convoluted, it's stupid, and nothing is resolved in the end anyway (stupid trilogies). There, I just saved you two and a half hours.

And because I'm in such a giving mood this morning, I present you with the Trailer for The Prestige. I would rather watch this 3 minute trailer on a loop for 3 hours than ever watch Dead Man's Chest again. I'm not even joking.

Bike riders in superhero costumes helping bike riders everywhere. Superhero hotline and comic books. (sorry, I'm too tired today to blog right, but it's cool so read the link (so tired))

LINK (did I mention how tired I am?)

(From Brooklyn Vegan)
826NYC BENEFIT @ THE BEACON THEATER, NYC - AUG 23, 2006 8:00PM

"826NYC and The Bowery Presents present REVENGE OF THE BOOK-EATERS, a star-studded night featuring some of today's most recognized names in indie-rock, literature, and comedy, including SUFJAN STEVENS (in a rare solo acoustic performance), JON STEWART (in an equally-as-rare stand-up performance), DAVE EGGERS (best-selling author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius), SARAH VOWELL (best-selling author and This American Life contributor), JOHN HODGMAN (Daily Show regular and author of The Areas of My Expertise) and JOHN RODERICK (songwriter and frontman for The Long Winters) in an evening that promises once and for all to settle the debate: words or music - which is better?"

"The evening will benefit 826NYC, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting students aged 6 to 18 with their creative and expository writing skills and to helping teachers inspire their students to write."

Jackie Chan used his awesome star power (no, not that star power) to disrupt Taiwanese singer-songwriter Jonathan Lee's concert in Hong Kong the other day, when, presumably tanked, he climbed up on stage and demanded to sing a duet. He also tried to conduct the band. Awkward!
The audience started heckling him, but the Great Jackie Chan will not be heckled. He shouted insults at the audience in a great demonstration of class and composure. He was all like, "I'm Jackie Chan and I was in Rush Hour and even though Chris Tucker was the only part of that movie remotely worth seeing, I do my own stunts! Or something. And I bet you didn't know about my totally corny music career! Ha! I'm Jackie Chan and I can totally do a roundhouse kick in your face! And then I'll use random props to fight with in an inventive and arobatic manner, like that time in Shanghai Knights with the unmbrella, furniture, wax dummies, and even a globe! Don't you love my wacky fighting style? I sure do. You dicks will never hold a candle to the Chan. THE CHAN RULES THE SCHOOL! THE CHAN RULES THE SCHOOL!"

God Jackie Chan, grow up.

This warmed my heart, it did. A two legged dog that walks upright like a human. God Bless You, Montel Williams. You've done it again.

(or direct link to YouTube)

So I hear over at Second Life (yours and my favorite online universe ala Snow Crash, but less 3D, less informative, and less everything cool) they've got an American Apparel. That's right, yours and my favorite enthusists of leotard sporting, knee sock toting, short shorts donning tweens on beds in boyshort underpantaloons looking seductively out of the back of your issue of The L Magazine. From what I hear, the Apparel virtual store has already sold over 2000 digital (digital) items for real (real) money! Because what are the other avatars going to think of your avatar if not clad in the best of virtual hipster fashion?

After winning a rousing game of Scattergories yesterday evening, I was feeling pretty good. I felt accomplished, like I completed a crossword puzzle or solved a semi-difficult math problem. Scattergories has always been one of my favorite games. Actually, before I even knew it was a board game, my sisters and I would make up ghetto versions of it on long roadtrips and play it for hours. This is the kind of game that you can play for hours because it feels good to play. It's a game that asks you to search your brain, think quickly and creatively, and adds competition to the mix. I love board games like this, the kind that require you to think fast and be clever. It feels good to use those parts of your brain that don't get exercised too often. Of course, it can be tough to find enough players on a daily basis to sit down for Scattergories, Sets, Chess or Go (kids these days, all they want to do is drink and dirty dance and do the dope!). Which is where the ever gratifying DS game Brain Age comes in...

A small town in Maine is the best place to spend the fourth of July. Why? Because everyone is so pumped. There were pie eating contests for four days leading up to the fourth, an organ grinder complete with monkey puppet, an antique car show, an enormous book sale, bluegrass and cajun bands playing in the park gazebo, barbeques aplenty, a band of bagpipes, a carnival complete with Bloomin' Onions and a Tilt-a-whirl (the only two reasons to ever go to a small town fair in my book), an hour and a half long parade (mostly cars with "Sharon Drake Realty" or "Joe's Roofing" or "Gerald's Landscaping" signs taped on the side), fireworks shot off a boat on the waterfront, and of course, a woman walking her four pet ferrets each on it's own little leash. I love Maine.

After Xmen: The Last Stand, I thought, "Bryan Singer better make Superman Returns so good that I pee myself for turning Xmen over to Brett Ratner and wrecking it for everyone." Well my friends, last night I saw Superman at Imax in 3D, and did one teardrop's worth of pee depart from my body over that crap? No. No, it did not. What sort of physical reactions were present instead?

1. Arm movements resulting from constant watch checking.
2. Looking at my maniure shining in the moviescreen glow.
3. Poking broken fixed retainer wire with tongue.
4. Taking 3d glasses off in utter disappointment.

If Superman was that flat at Imax, with certain parts in three-d (granted, crappy, hard to see what's happening three-d), then I can't even imagine how poor moviegoers are going to keep their eyes open at a normal theater. Feel free to consult Stephen, Karen or Dylan on the matter. I'm sure you will find no discrepancy.

I have nothing more to say on the matter.

My Heritage lets you load a full frontal face shot of yourself and then it scans its dateabase for what celebrity you most look like. Not very accurate though, since again and again, I just kept getting Asians! (And not very famous Asians at that!)


Janie Tienphosuwan

I got quoted and linked by BrooklynVegan in his post about the Final Fantasy show! In fact, he quoted and linked me and thatsplenty twice! (from this post and this other post). I haven't been this happy since yesterday when my boss bought me a chocolate bar (with pretzels inside!). But really, it's great. I mean, maybe it's not that big a deal, but I was excited.

I know we don't all live in Brooklyn (sorry Ryan) but just thought I'd let you know that there's a new blog about Brooklyn: Brooklyn Record.

The Good:
Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy) does everything live on stage. He records each layer of song right there, loops it, plays over it, and everything on the violin, he beats on it, slaps the strings with the back of the bow, plucks it, screams bits into the distortion mike attached to it, etc, etc. It was mesmorising to see one person turn one instrument into an orchestra. His performence was flawless and fun. I couldn't believe it was only him. If you ever get a chance to see him live, do it. It's amazing to see the power over music (and live music too!) that technology can give to one man. He pulls it off beautifully.

The Bad:
Final Fantasy's crowd was the strangest collection of people I've ever seen at a show. There's nothing bad about that in itself, until they started being jerks. While Owen was recording his loops, people kept screaming from the crowd, trying to be a part of the loop. Jesus, let the guy do his show! This happened, repeatedy, throughout the entire concert. He was a good sport about it, but he did have to start over about 3 times to try and get a clean loop. Then there was spastic LARPer-type dancing everywhere, (but not everywhere enough so that it was communal dancing, it was one person here, one person there, amongst the normal crowd, who were standing still (have you heard Final Fantasy? It's not really the type of music you boogie down to). I saw at least two people singing along...at parts where there were no words! Were they trying to sing the notes of the violin?! It had a very creepy holy-rollers-speaking-in-tounges effect. There was the kid on his DS the whole time (playing Final Fantasy, I wondered? I was too far away to tell, but I could definitely make out anime). And of course, the chubby, frizzy-haired drama major who you can read about in the post below this one.

All in all:
Final Fantasy: Good
Other People: Bad

Last night at the Final Fantasy show at Tonic, Dylan and I were attacked by a chubby frizzy-haired drama major and her boyfriend as they blatently ignored the unspoken but obvious set of rules that exist at small New York shows. Here is a simple set of guidelines that she could have benefitted from before attending this concert:

Concert Rules and Regulations:

1. If a crowd is tightly packed in, do not tap someone who is standing up front on the shoulder, and then shove yourself in front of her as she turns around to see who's tapping her.

2. If you are up front (I'm talking leaning on the stage, here) and you leave to get another beer, do not act pissy when people are reluctant to give you your "spot" back. You can't save spots at a show. You want to stand up front, you have to just stay there.

I saw this on Neatorama today and was surprised to find it weirdly touching. This guy, Matt Harding, quit his job in 2003, and used the money he saved up to travel around the world. He videotaped himself dancing (sort of) in different countries and continents. His video gained the attention of Stride "long-lasting" Gum (what the hell is Stride gum?), and they PAID for ANOTHER TRIP around the world to dance some more. Some people have all the luck. Anyway, here you go! (Also, here's his site.)

From Dishwasher Studio(Aka. Gekko):

Dishwasher Studio is proud to launch its 1st Single Reel Film & Video Festival this year. Dedicated to developing a platform for personal films, the festival’s goal is to create a forum for emerging independent filmmakers, animators and artists working with film as a medium of artistic expression rather than a tool for entertainment. The festival is in a series of installments throughout the year.

Deadline for submissions is August 25. (You should submit, video kids. It's a new goal to get you working again...)

Also check out this claymation by Gekko and Vuk (Such beautiful puppets):
Black and White

One of the animations I did for work is on the internet! In fact, it's been there for months, but I sure wasn't informed. If you want to see it and you don't mind a little ever-loading flash, then go Here, then click on What's New, then click on Bb. Shine and Hair Powder, then click on Explore, then click on the picture farthest to the left. Now, it's certainly not my best animation, and don't ask me why the other three videos are actual video and the first is animation (consistancy?), but look at me mom, I'm famous!

By some weird stroke of fate, my roommates and I haven't been paying our electric bills. We don't know why, exactly, but when I tried to sign up for Con Ed, they said someone else was paying for it. We had a suspicion it might be our landlord, but we had a nervous concern that our downstairs neighbor was inadvertently keeping our lights on. But whatevs, we said, free electricity!!!

But today, a turn of events has complicated and confused us all.

If you don't mind shelling out $10.75 for a an action movie that is totally awesome in the first 45 minutes, with the rest of the movie lagging behind, then this is the movie for you. In fact, this film is best enjoyed up until you hear about the bomb. Then get up and leave.

Second half should have focused on the ultra-gritty reality of a ghetto walled off from the rest of society. Instead, they went the corny ass preachy route. Is it just me, or are movies losing their balls?

Trailer

Okay, so, can thatsplenty be honest with me for a minute here? If you saw an adult (and for argument's sake, let's say that "adult" was me) wearing a pair of these, not just wearing them, but skating around on them, would you think, "Cool!" "Lame!" or "I don't care". Please check one. This will have an effect on my life. Thank you.

Comments greatly appreciated. Seriously, I'm serious.
Heelys for Women

This Saturday Dylan and I went to McCarren Park for the Renegade Craft Fair. Snap, it's huge! Tents cover the entire circumference of the park, with almost 200 vendors from all over the country and Canada. There was everything from art prints to teeshirts to stuffed animals to homemade journals, calenders and posters, jewelry, clothing, wallets, etc. etc. You know, crafts. But super cool crafts. There were a lot of really great styles that were pretty inspiring.

It was really refreshing to see what people our age are making all over the country, and totally made me want to make stuff. If they can do it, I can, right?

Last night Dylan and I watched a movie that gave a whole new meaning to, "it's so bad it's good". And that movie, my friends, is Blood Feast by the great Herschell Gordon Lewis. It was made in 1963, when Gore Films just didn't exist. Apparently real actors, decent scripts, boom mikes, sound effects and props didn't really exisit then either, because they were nowhere to be found in Blood Feast. What does exisit is really shiny and gross pieces of raw meat being held in our killer's shaking hands. And HILARIOUS crying scenes, especially the boy on the beach weeping. I was laughing my head off. Believe it or not, the movie isn't the real gem of the DVD. It's one of the extras, an educational short called, Carving Magic, staring none other than the detective from Blood Feast, William Kerwin. He is led by some famous home economics superstar to change his meat carving skills from downright embarassing to mindblowing expertise. It looks like a film they would show in Home Ec in the 60's and it probably was. It's 20 minutes and goes into intense detail in the art of meat carving. She carves every meat ever, and I guess they didn't have nice cuts of meat back in the 60's. It was supposed to look appetizing, I'm sure, but I'd rather eat the raw meat from Blood Feast. It's just delightful, the whole thing. Rent the DVD (but skip the rare deleted scenes: they aren't deleted scenes at all, but bad takes of scenes in the movie. No bloopers here, no sound either. Just bad takes. 70 minutes of them. Not joking.)

I really wanted to watch HBO's Carnivale when I saw the first commercials previewing it, but I was in college at the time and couldn't bring myself to watch it on the communal tv next to the snack bar. It smelled greasy there. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine informed me that she had the first season on dvd, and kindly lent it to me. And here are my findings: It is the most original tv show I've ever seen. It's set in the Great Depression and the costume/set design alone is astounding. The characters progress seamlessly and are complexly layered, the scripts and acting are masterful, and the plotline is like no other. It doesn't rely on excessive violence, sex, or swearing, it just uses the power of good storytelling. It's refreshing, and addictive. I like 6 Feet Under and The Sopranos just as much as the next guy, but Carnivale is truly unique, and an extremely difficult storyline to pull off. With magic Realism abound, mysterious curtains hiding mysterious creatures, ghosts, telepathy, mind reading, healing powers, religious phenomenon, and of course, a midget, things could quickly and easily get corny. In fact, I was waiting for it to. But it never did. It just got intense. Super intense. Right up until the season one finale, which was the cliffhanger of all cliffhangers. I felt like crying, first of all knowing that the second season doesn't come out until July 18th, and second of all knowing that season 2 ends with and even bigger cliffhanger, and then there's NOTHING! Because HBO cancelled the series!!!! WTF?

An Inconvenient Truth is a movie and a statement unlike any other. It covers some information about global warming that you probably already know, and then some that you might not. But the remarkable thing about this film isn't the way in which the very real and inevidable threat is presented as hard cold scientific fact. It is the way you feel when the movie is over. You leave feeling ready and desperate to make changes in the way you live. The fact that this movie was made and realeased is heroic: politically, and moreover, morally. More than anything else, it is an appeal to the people of America to do what they can, it makes the immediate nessesity of such change crucial and relevant. I personally was strongly affected, and I know Dylan was too. Even if you already know all there is to know about global warming and you're well educated in what you can personally do, see it anyway. And tell you friends and families.

Trailer
Official Site of the movie
10 Things You Can Do

Today my job requires me to engage in the lowest form of editing known to man. Bloopers. I'm making a fucking bloopers reel.

To celebrate, I thought some karate bloopers might be fun for everyone here at thatsplenty. (when I took karate in 8th grade, i was sparring with my friend and I accidentally punched her in the mouth. She bled for an hour and wouldn't talk to me for two days. Her big sister also came up to me and said, "Jesus! Be more careful! You're just supposed to tap!" I guess you could call that a blooper, kind of.)

Without further ado, enjoy the accidental crotch kicking:

Last night I was involved in a heated discussion involving the word, "Methuselah". I repeatedly claimed that Methuselah meant giant monster, not unlike Leviathan. My adversary in turn kept changing the subject, trying to tell me what Leviathan means, even though I already knew (a biblical sea monster (often considered a big crocodile) and is commonly used as a synonym for large creature). Eventually I stopped arguing because I was too lazy to look it up and because my adversary clearly didn't care one way or another.

Well, adversary, and thatsplenty readers, I'll tell you anyway. I was pretty much right, but also sort of wrong. Methuselah is, like Leviathan, originally biblical. It is the name of the 969-year old guy. According to the Book of Genesis 5:27: "And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died." The word today can be used to refer a very old person, "I feel older than methuselah today. damn."

Methuselah is also the name of a 4700 year old tree in California. It used to be the oldest living thing in the world. Until they discovered a creosote bush was discovered that is thought to be 12,000 years old. But it doesn't even have a name, so it's probably a lie.

It's true what they say about Xmen 3. Storm's new hairstyle looks like shit. Oh yeah, and it's not as good as the other two.

God of War is easily the best looking game I've ever played. The story is set in Greek Mythology, and it is pretty much the most awesome vision of Greek mythology ever. The scenes are huge and with great details, greek statues and colomns abound. Every aspect of the design in considered, from the potted plants to the hanging tapestries to the stormy skies, down to the cracks in the stone floors. The character design is excellent as well, bad guys like Gorgons (medusas) slithering around on snake bodies, and stomping minotaurs that show every muscle as they attempt to crush you with their stupid mallets (takes away lot of health, those). The special combos for killing them are great, like ripping the gorgon's heads off with a wave of blood pouring out (using specific analog stick rotations), or repeatedly stabbing the minotaurs in the skull (using button combos as they appear on the screen (A little like PaRappa the Rappa. Remember him?)). The magic you can do as the game progreses is equally gorgeous, from the crackling blue lightning of Poseidon’s Rage (my favorite magic) to the writhing green beam of Medusa's Stare that turns your enemies to stone (which the gorgons in turn can use on you). Also, the Sirens, so sexy. (and snap, the Oracle! She's the hotness, and you have to save her from peril at this one point and you totally feel like such a man, she's all like, "oh oh, hurry Kratos, save meeeeee! pleeease!!!" while you're swinging on robes and climbing walls and walking on ledges and saving her ass.)

Warning: Storyline Spoiler Ahead...

You know how when you put a mentos in a diet coke it creates a geyser? These guys used 200 2-liter bottles of diet coke, over 500 mentos and lots of artistic vision. Video

Tomorrow it's back to the old Alma Mater to see my remaining college friends bid Bennington farewell. However, I think I may have made a big mistake. In order to get a free commencement dinner, I committed to speaking on an alumni panel, offering suggestions and hints to graduating seniors. But as the day fast approaches, I'm starting to get a little nervous. I mean, how can I tell them that if they didn't pick up some sort of skill set at Bennington, it's kind of too late? How do you tell artists that you hope they like serving people coffee or answering phones? How do you tell them that if they didn't make any connections during FWTs, they should probably be prepared to whore themselves around for a few years? What can I say to them? Anyone? Anyone?

p.s. I'm also going to Bennington to buy Jim's moped. Maybe we can be moped buddies, Ryan? Mine's not a fire engine bike, but it is purple...and Dutch.

Walking down Metropolitan Avenue in Williamsburg on Sunday, I happened upon a
little sign reading "City Reliquary: $.50". Fifty Cents? I said, "Yes sir!", quarters in my little outstretched hand. The teeny tiny room was set up like an old sideshow thing (or how I imagine them to have been) with a red velvet rope before you enter, velvety red stuff everywhere, glass cases lit romantically with Edison bulbs, old wornout carpets, dark wood, you get the picture. Nice. Old. A little creepy.

Dylan and I wanted to be all cultural-like this weekend, so we decided to take a trip to Queens and check out P.S.1. And what were our findings? The silly nonsensical paintings of actor John Lurie (who you may have enjoyed in such films as Wild at Heart, The Last Temptation of Christ, and Stranger Than Paradise) were by far the most interesting thing in the old school turned contemporary art museum. Granted, we seem to have visisted the museum in the midst of a change-over, but really. Really.

I would like to humbly thank Ryan for writing his post about the Books show many months ago. I liked with Books, but without his glowing review, I probably wouldn't have bothered to sit in line for 2.5 hours last night for their free show at the World Financial Center. And I wouldn't have gotten to see their spectacular projections. Ryan, do you know if they did their own editing? I assume they did, in which case they are really creative editors. As a video editor myself, I was really impressed with the amountof time, effort, and thought that must have gone into those. The video was at times hilarious, quiet, and touching. Some great wordplay too. I can't imagine how many hours went into just watching all the footage they used. They said they had just sent home over 200 hours of new found material from thrift shops for their next tour. I appreciated that they seemed to put as much work into their visuals as they do with their music. I was at the back, standing room only, in really uncomfortable shoes for 1.5 hours, in a hot, ugly room, being crushed against the wall by the moron who got a seat in front of me, who kept backing his chair up out of his row, plus I had to pee, and The Books totally made it worth my while.

is a great book by John Perkins, former economic hit man (EHM). From the back cover:
EHM's are highly paid professionals who cheat countries around the globe out of trillions of dollars. Their tools include fraudulent financial reports, rigged elections, payoffs, extortion, sex and murder. They play a game as old as Empire but onethat has taken on terrifying dimensions during this time of globalization. I couldn't put this down, the author is a likeable guy doing dispicable things. It has opened my eyes to the evil behind the country I was already ashamed to live in. Especially recommended for people (like myself) who are embarrassingly ignorant of what goes on here in our bad bad country.

Also for your enjoyment:

"Humans"- directed by Three Legged Legs

Last night Dylan and I could be found at Mercury Lounge, watching two of my favorite bands, Beirut and Sunset Rubdown. It was incredible.

If you don't already know them, Beirut is 19 year old Zach Condon along with some members of A Hawk and a Hacksaw and one from Neutral Milk Hotel. The music is reminiscent of Neutral Milk Hotel, but it seems more true to traditional Balkan/Polka type stuff. And his voice I think is really beautiful. They got a subpar review on Pitchfork which was then reiterated by Tuningfork. Basically what they said was that Beirut is more or less mimicking traditional polka, and since indy music fans don't normally listen to polka while cracking open their PBRs, they give Beirut a credit to a type of music that is not new at all, just new to their ears. Well, maybe that's so, but after seeing them play last night I decided that it's a good thing to bring traditional music to a crowd that never hears it. Who cares if their mimicing something else, all music does, doesn't it?

The previews for Art School Confidential had great promise, anyone who went to art school knows that making fun of art school can be hilarious. Remember the art class in Ghost World where the teacher shows her film, and she's repeating Mirror, Father, Mirror. Mirror, Father, Mirror. And the girl shows up with a tampon in a teacup? The dialogue in those scenes...it's classic. Art School Confidential is the same idea as Ghost world, adapted by the same guy, Daniel Clowes from his short comic, and directed by Terry Zwigoff, who also directed Ghost World. They should have stopped at Mirror, Father, Mirror. Art School Confidential was bitter and contrived. The movie didn't respect it's characters, and didn't reveal a humanity about the struggle of a disillusioned artist. It tried, but it only succeeded in displaying surface level contempt for the art world. Every character in the movie, every character is basically a talentless, pretentious asshole. Could be funny (I mean, we are talking about art school here) but it forgot to put in something to like. The film ends up coming off as more pretentious than the guy who's art is a fishtank filled with yellow pingpong balls. It's critique on the grandiosity of the art world simply comes off as a worse form of just that.
I think the lady behind me in the theater broke it down pretty well. "Why bother making a 2 hour movie about half of a 6 Feet Under episode?' Ha ha ha. LOL.

Aside from what I didn't like, there were some fairly humorous jabs at art school. While they weren't all that original, I did rather enjoy the lisping fashion major who kept whining about his girlfriend back home. And some of the classroom dialogue could have come straight out of Bennington. "My work isn't about color, form, style, or material. But I thought the class would like to see my process, so I brought some unfinished work." (Pulls out a canvas with gum or something smeared all over it.) There were funnier quotes, but I'm not good at remembering quotes, so sorry. Anyway, the story is dumb, and the kid who plagurized ended up getting famous and getting the girl. So there is hope for us all!

p.s. Anjelica Huston and John Malkovitch, come on! And Steve Buscemi! What?

The Camel Girl: had an unusual orthopedic condition resulting in knees that bent backwards.


When I was about 6 or 7, I happened upon a PBS documentary that was about sideshow freaks from the days of yor. Never having had seen people with such deformities before, I was fascinated. For the next few years, I sought out surgery shows where conjoined twins were being separated, watched Ripley's Believe It Or Not religiously, and fanatically tried to pop my eyes out of their sockets like "Popeye" from the documentary who could do just that.

If I were you, I wouldn't bother with these three short horror films from Asian directors. But unfortunately, I'm not you, I'm me. And me, I had to see it because I love the idea so much. Getting three different directors to make three horror shorts, how can you go wrong? By making Three Extremes II, that's how. If you must, watch the first Three Extremes, which features Tikashi Miike and is definitely watchable. Not all the awesomeness that the trailer had promised, but decent. So I tried out the second, and holy timewaster, what a waste of 2+ hours. The first film, Memories made no sense whatsoever (not in a good ambiguous way, but in a who's that? why's she doing that? where is she? why is the guy telling that story? kind of way), and consisted mainly of three-minute-practically-imperceptible zooms on a guy sleeping on the couch. Korean filmmaker Kim Jee-Woon's idea of scary here was having his editor take out frames here and there (OMG she moved like 2 feet in a split second!) Once he reveals what's happened at the end, you're like "Oh wow, that's probably the most unoriginal story I could have ever thought of, in fact, I wrote a story just like that when I was 2, and I crumpled it up and threw it away because I knew it was a recycled paint by numbers kind of story even then." I will say that it's beautifully shot. If you're interested in seeing a Kim Jee-Woon film, watch A Tale of Two Sisters instead...it's equally confusing but about 300 times more intriguing and bloody.

This is so awesome:
German "Robin Hoods"
A group of Germans dressing up like superheroes, robbing luxurious food from top eateries and giving it to the poor. (But not before presenting the cashier they're robbing a bouquet of flowers (they are so ripping V's style))

I felt a little sad today when I read that Activision bought Red Octane today. It makes me a little scared that a big corperate company is taking over the little guys who produce yours and my favorite video game. RedOctane is one of the most dynamic, innovative and energetic companies in the games business. They were the world’s first online video game rental service when they started in 1999. Two years later they developed the first non-slip dance pad (for DDR). Two more years later, they launched the Get Up & Move! Campaign to highlight inspirational stories of kids losing weight playing dance video games. In 2005, they were granted PS2 publisher license, and released their first video game, In The Groove. And then, of course, GH. Going on to win awards aplenty.

And then there's the big coorperate Activision. The strategic director of Activision says of Red Octane:
"The success we are seeing today is a strong indicator that Guitar Hero and the many potential extensions, new platform exploitations and international versions appear to be somewhat transition proof, as consumers are responding to this product on current-generation platforms in a manner that defies traditional late-cycle behavior... We think the online capabilities of the next-generation platforms offer new and well differentiated opportunities to create additional revenues from downloadable music, which today represents one of the most popular downloadable content categories." (from kotaku.com)

Oh, Red Octane, why did you have to sell out?
To my ears, this does not bode well. They better not fuck up GH for me.

You may have heard of the Raconteurs, Jack White's side project with Brendon Benson and two other guys (Jack Lawrence and Patrick Keeler of The Greenhornes). Their first single Steady as She Goes is pretty great, but what's really great is their website. You should go check it out: www.thereaconteurs.com. It looks and functions like the first Commodore computer (you know, popular 1982-1993, the first personal computer with an integrated sound synthesizer chip? You know, the best selling single computer model of all time with it's own Commodore DOS?) Anyway, its neat. Check it out (but don't feel the need to bother watching the Steady as She Goes video. It's totally lacking in concept.)

Last weekend was a great weekend for horror movies for me. (It was also great because it was my birthday and there was pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and goodie bags and pop rocks and I got to go to the zoo!) On Friday night I watched The Changling, which I had never even heard of before, and it was totally kind of scary, and totally awesome. Then on Sunday I watched Polergeist, which, surprisingly, I had never seen before (all thee years I'd thought I'd seen it), and Pet Semetary, which was a favorite as a child. (Oh god, my ancle tendon feels so tender!) But I want more. I want to know what you think the scariest movies are. Here are the ones I like the best.

Stephen, how can everything be bad? Look at the kittens. Look at them! Everything will be okay. The kittens promise.

I'm a 9-5er. (Well, honestly, a 10-6er, but you know, it's a coined term) I work 40 hours a week or more every week on salary. Most people at my office work closer to 50 hours a week. We do not get overtime, yet are expected to stay as late as it takes to get projects in on time. To suggest otherwise would threaten our jobs. We have two weeks of paid vacation. This is normal. That is to say, this is normal in America. I am terrified every day at the prospect of working on and on without a break. The freelancers life seems so magical to me, taking months off at a time. Except I don't want to be a freelancer. I like my job. But how can I keep trucking on like this without a break? I'm not sure that I can.

I did a little research and discovered that Europeans don't. European companies are required to give employees a minimum of four weeks paid vacation time. And in many European countries, it is standard to receive more like 6 weeks. Paid. Vacation.

This New York Magazine article about late 30s and 40-something wannabe hipsters made me laugh. Don't they know how LAME-O everyone who's actually young and cool think they look in their designer rippy jeans and fake-o vintage tshirts? Who are they rebelling against, themselves?? Those dorks. (Sorry if you're reading this and you're late 30s and you've got a messenger bag and you're trying to raise your kids to like the Decemerists and the YYYs, but you should read this article too. At least have a laugh at yourself with us.)

LINK

Link for more awesome tattoos drawn with the super safe blacklight reactive ink. It's neat.

This weekend Dylan showed me the Adidas Adicolor animation for "Pink", which is really great. Adidas commissioned 6 animators to create shorts inspired by 7 colors: pink, white, black, blue, green, red, and yellow. So far I believe white is the only other one that is completed. These animations are supposed to promote Adidas's Adicolor sneakers, which are basically white sneakers you get to color with markers! Whoopie! The novelty! I like that so many mainstream companies have been looking to animation lately, because I think, and I'm sure you will agree, the advertising market can always use a quality boost, and the Pink animation is great, but it sure as heck doesn't make me want to buy sneakers I can color on. (and if i did, I'm pretty sure I'd get some white sneakers at Payless for $10 and a couple of sharpies rather than shell out the $75 clams for the name brand.) (Note: The image you see at the right is some sort of delux set that does not represent the dopey marker set I'm talking about. I just think this image is ridiculous and this set isn't even for sale yet but if it ever is it will probably cost about a swillion dollars and boy I find it obnoxious.)

Anyway! I digress. This post isn't supposed to be sneakers. It's about a musician, and his name is Greg Weeks. Learn it. Love it.

Remember when I was all like, Waaaa waaa, there's no good blogs for girls, they all make girls look like pink sparkley pony loving, barbie doll rainbow kitten kissing, butterfly heart charm bracelet ribbon wearing bffs? (if you don't, here you go, knock yourself out. But today, (fanfare of trumpets sounding) I found a great girl blog. Okay, admittedly, it's not a gadget blog, but it's so much better. It's a science blog. The three girls (based in London) who write it are experienced science journalists, and they're trying to launch a new popular science magazine aimed at women, but while that's in the works, they're busy blogging 'ideas, research, drugs, foods, fads, politics, gadgets and gizmos that change our lives, make us smile, make us angry or do all three.' (From an interview in The Londonist It's called Inky Circus (www.inkycircus.com). It's written silly like many a blog, but you can tell these girls know what they're talking about. (and they look so young in the picture!) I wish I done did some smart scientifical thinking thoughts bloggering.

Last night, Dylan and I were hanging out at my apartment in Williamsburg, and we decided to take a walk along the waterfront. I've lived there for almost 6 months, and had still never walked to the waterfront. We walked to the abandoned Domino Sugar Factory, the tiny little "park" at the end of Grand Street, walked down numerous construction truck paths, and trespassed behind an emormous building and found a quiet spot with a perfect view of Manhatten and no sound but the sound of the water. I didn't feel like I was in a city at all. The longer and farther we walked, the less people we saw. We spent about an hour without ever seeing a soul, and this is a mere 3 blocks from Williamsburg's Bedford Avenue, an overpacked stretch constantly choking on hipsters shopping, eating, biking, and looking ultra-cool. Three blocks down, and we were in what I imagine Williamsburg was like before young artists like myself started taking over. Industrial biuldings, smokestacks, the sound of the window and glass factory machines cranking, streets literally crumbling into the water, and nighttime desolation. But soon, even the quiet waterfront will be another Bedford Avenue.

Don't you hate that creepy feeling of Jesus reading your book over your shoulder? Or Jesus shouting annoying cheers when you're trying to work out? Jesus is With You Always although I could help but notice that he's never with a whore.

Albinos are so hot right now.

Link and another link
Brought to us from the great Proceedings of the Athanasius Kirscher Society

The intrigue: I heard the movie Hard Candy is so intense that it made some guy pass out at the Angelika. And people have been walking out in the middle of the movie in disgust and horror. After tonight's viewing, my summation is the movie was well acted, but not upsetting. It was decent watch, but that's where it ended for me. I felt like it used the sensationalism of pedophilia and exploited it to shock audiences, but the resulting film felt pretty empty. If you're going to make a movie about something like pedophilia, have some balls about it.

Conclusion: man who passed out, definitely a pedophile.

So as we've said, Dylan and I just got back from the sunny beachy shores of Boston! You should see my wicked tan.
One of the highlights of the week was the MIT Museum. I'll admit, I was hesitant at first (I imagined row upon row of framed mathematical equations), but I am so glad I went. It was awesome! First of all, it only cost $2 to get in, second of all, it was totally empty, and third of all, it was really cool.

My personal favorite part of the museum was the Arthur Ganson exhibit. If you don't already know his work, he creates kinetic machines that are either motor powered, or are wound up by the viewer. They are beautiful, you can see every gear and sprocket working to make something move, and somehow, his sculptures never look mechanical; they move fluidly, almost organically, and are totally mesmorizing. Most of them have a great touch of humor.

Dylan filmed one of the sculptures with my digital camera, and I'm going to try my hand here at a little something I like to call embedded video. I'm very excited about it. What you are about to see looks like a tiny wishbone sauntering along, appearing to pull a clanking contraption behind it. (if the camera work sucks, you know who to blame, he really needs a lesson in focus). You can see the professional video of this here, along with videos of his other works.

(For serious, Boston blogging on the way...I just wanted to embed a little video action, and I'm still on the wait for Google to verify that it's not porno) But I am so excited about this, Phantom Buffalo is back! Phantom Buffalo is a band from Portland, Maine, formerly know as the Ponys (not to be confused with the Chicago-based garage rocky Ponys...which is why they changed their name). Anyway, they put out one album, Shishimumu, which became my anthem album last year. The production on this thing blows my mind. To me, it's one perfect song after another. The instruments are weaving and intertwining together in a way I can't even reference another band to explain. The vocals are smooth and flowing on top, and the more you listen, the more you discover underlying melodies. Sweet lord, I freaking love them.

So yes, we went to Boston and totally rocked it's world. (it wasn't very hard). We have many things to blog about, and I swear, Thats Plenty, we talked about you the whole time. To tide you over, here are some fun touristy snapshots.
some bridge and some door.

It feels good when he touches rusty spoons with his salad fingers.

Salad Fingers, Episodes 1-6

The Museum of Hoaxes has a great list of the 100 best April Fool's jokes of all time. I know it's 2 days late, but is it really ever too late for practical jokes? Especially with such gems as the number 4 best joke in 1996 when Taco Bell announced they had bought the Liberty Bell, to be renamed the Taco Liberty Bell. When White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale by enraged citizens, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

ROTFLOL!

The Museum of Hoaxes Blog is pretty great too.
100 Best April Fools Jokes
Museum of Hoaxes

Last night I found myself at the Levy (the most awesomest bar ever) and whist awaiting my dinner (a hotdog with ruffle chips and mayonnaise) I thought I'd give the pinball machine a go. I always kind of liked pinball, but was never bery good at it. Well let me tell you, brothers, Guitar Hero has changed me. It has improved my hand-eye coordination better than I ever thought possible. I was so good at pinball. Twice during my run, I had four balls launched at once. While I was pleased that I'm so good at it, I was also most discouraged by the game itself. The thing is...it's boring!

So I got me one of those Namco Plug n' Play devices on eBay, and I gotta say, it makes for pretty excellent gamery. It's got five games, Ms. Pac-Man (how I love her) Mappy (if you've played this, ever notice that the music is suspiciously reminiscent of Super Mario Bros 2?), Galaga, Xevious, and Pole Position. I must admit, not a big fan of pole position. Love the sound, and the graphics are lovely, but it just doesn't do it for me (not a fan of aerial views, I guess).

Someday they will make one of me, with a guitar hero guitar in my rocking immortalized hands.

Rock and Roll Dolls

What with having nothing to say to anyone unless it's regarding guitar hero these days, a quiet american I am not (a totally hard rocking american, however...) But this guy who calls himself just that records, not totally sweet geetar solos, but the music of field recordings from Nepal, Vietnam, Fiji Islands, Burma, Cambodia, and others. Ever heard the rattling sound of a bamboo harvest in Nepal? Or the call of midnight vendors in Burma? The quiet american sure has, and he wants to share it all with you. There are about 5 hours of recordings on this site, and he's always adding.

If your fret hand wrist and your strumming shoulder and your bleary eyes need a rest, check out the Quiet American and listen to the sounds of other countries.

www.quietamerican.org

I haven't been posting as much as I'd like to, because by day I'm stuck in a studio working on a shoot with no computer, and by night, I am slave to Guitar Hero. I don't normally spend a lot of money at the drop of a hat, but last night I went out and bought me a PS2 and GH, and now my apartment is dripping with hard rocking goodness. Even though it seems impossible to ever tire of GH, there are a few cheats to spice up the background. How about giving the audience monkey heads??! Or see your avatar rock star use air guitar?! Isn't that wacky? Also a few real cheaty cheats, like getting a 5 star rating every time you play, always being green in the meter of rock, or unlocking guitar hero. (but I don't recommend these because if you cheat, you'll never rock as hard as That's Plenty)

GH roxx0rs!

Sweet Cheats

Well? Why does it? That was the freaking worst Mortal Kombat I have ever EVER played. You can't even throw stuff. And what's the deal with LoTR game? Why would you take an awesomely nerdtastic set of movies with an enormous market, and turn it into the most repetitive video game ever played? And why do they make you watch so much of the movie between each short (very short) level? If I wanted to watch the movie, you guessed it. I'd watch it. They should at least give you the option to skip it. But no. No no no. And how about Burnout? Okay, your competing to make the biggest car crash. Sure, that's cool, but what's not so cool is having upgrade just to do a different course or drive a different car. (I don't know much about xBox, do upgrades cost money?) I mean, come on, once you've played it two or three times, you can't even mess up because you've got the whole damn thing memorized! Why? Because Xbox sux my dix.

This past Friday, Dylan and I found ourselves amongst a furied sea of snobby art students, crotchey old uppersidians, couples in their mid-thirties, crying children, and massive guided tours on pay-as-you-wish night at the Whitney on the last weekend of the Biennial. It ended not a moment too soon.

Ever stay up late at night, your brain spinning, trying so desperately hard to remember, what was The Thing's religion? Or Phoenix's? Well, worry no more. Here is a disturbingly long list of comic book character's religions.


The Religious Affiliation of
Comic Book Characters

Ah, and...
The Thing is Jewish
Phoenix is Episcopalian

Hey, did you know that this past December some scientists found out that the Narwhal tusk is used to detect changes in water temperature, pressure and particle gradient? Doesn't that seem lame? But I bet there's some badass narwhals down there that totally use their tusks as a skewer and make a delicious sea creature shish kabob.

Gotta love that Scottish humor. His work is best when viewed in bulk. His photographs are hilarious, his drawings are hilarious, and his animations are also, hilarious. In fact, you should just go out and buy his book, it's really the only way. Because you keep reading and as you see more and more it starts to blow your tiny mind at how very many ideas and weirdnesses he has.
I am aware that books are not free, so, if you must, here's his website:
www.davidshrigely.com

(I placed this entry under bad art because there's not category for good art...but I think it's good art, so please ignore the bad art categorization of this post...actually, this art is kind of good because it's so bad, you know, those illustrations and handwriting that are remeniscent of a 3rd grader at best...it adds to the humor...and some people might be of the opinion that humorous art isn't really art, it's more of a joke, in which case, they would call this bad art...in fact, I might venture to say that whether art is good or bad is pretty subjective, and depending on the veiwer, this may very well be a big load of bad art. So I apologize, profusely, for presuming that you will find this art, "good". (and what does good really mean, when you come down to it?)

I love my Super Nintendo. I love it so so much. When I was 10, and my best friend had one, there was nothing I wanted more. And then, after coveting this perfect console for many a year, I finally got one. In my humble opinion, SNES is the best of the video gaming. With more vintage gaming, I mean, sure, it's really fun. But for me there's not enough longevity there. And with newer gaming, there's just too many buttons, too many levels, and too many dimensions. I'd just prefer 2D myself.
Anyway, I'm not getting into this discussion right now (but you can bet I will on a post in the near future). What I wanted to talk about today is my quest for the best games for SNES, and I need your help.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. It's embarrassing. It displays a total disregard for my braincells. It proves that if there was a fashion teen magazine in front of me, I would read it. It shows me that I am perfectly willing, eager even, to waste time just for the sake of it. I can't stop reading girl gadget blogs.

This Saint Patrick's Day, 2006, men and women, children and fat depressed teenagers around the world stand up and say "No! We shall stay McSilent no longer!" Today we McFight back! And they need your help. Fill out the McForm and get McBack the Shamrock Milkshake.

I don't know if you guys already know about Abebooks, but snap! you should because it's so hella-cheap. It's new and used books, textbooks, out-of-print, and rare books. I just bought a book for $2.00. They've got a gianormous selection. Now you can skip the Strand and be a lazy bum.

Abebooks

You know how rich people all have sub zero refridgerators, a kitchen island with a second sink, TeeVo, and spare bedrooms? Well now they can all have this to keep their many wood floors tidy without having to bend over. I mean, without the help having to bend over. You know, when their Roomba isn't working.

Now you can freaking Google Mars

Fellow Blogger Dylan and I took a trip to the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens this weekend, and it's totally the kind of place that makes you excited to have kids, so you can take them there and watch their little faces aglow with delight. I'll admit, Dylan and I are both video nerds, but there's a ton of fun interactive stuff to play with if you're not into looking at old cameras and archaic editing equipment. I'd like to especially suggest the make-your-own-10-second-stopmotion tables. And once you're done walking through the top two floors, spend the rest of the day on the first floor, playing old and new arcade games, including Tron, Katamari Damacy, Space Invaders, Donkey Konga and Flow, which is like the hiphop version of Dance Dance Revolution. Plus, there are old movies screening throughout the day, and a movie ticket is included in the price of admission. If you have your old student i.d. (you trickster you) it's only $7.50 to get in, which means $7.50 to see an old flick and then play unlimited video games till closing. ($10 without i.d.) I think I may have found my new hangout.
Coming up next weekend (starting Friday, March 17th), they begin screening the "Fist and Sword: Martial Arts Classics" series. Seems like a good weekend to go.

Museum of the Moving Image Official Site

I noticed there's a Victoriana Catergory over there on the right, and it reminded me of this awesome site, Madam Talbot's Victorian Lowbrow. It features the work of Ashleigh Talbot; hand-illustrated pen-and-ink artwork that is just incredible. There is tons of work on this site, subjects ranging from vampires to Lizzie Bordon to sidehows to devils to tombstone art to witches to folk tales to skeletons. Every illustration can be purchased here in poster form. She's also got creepy little dolls she made and sells creepy old stuff, like vintage doll eyes, books about magic so old they're falling apart, and a stuffed and mounted piranha. A bit comic booky, a bit Edward Gorey, and bit graffiti artist, her stuff is exquisite. I'm totally jealous.
http://www.madametalbot.com/

After an intense session of Tetris Attack, I'm always left feeling completely mentally drained, as if I'd spent a long night studying the finer points of quantum physics or working out complicated trig problems. If you've ever had your heart touched by such fine gamery as the ever colorful, ever adorable, ever cutthroat Tetris Attack, you probably understand the feeling. If you've got the m4d sk1llz and can totally pwn n00bs and h4x0rs alike, then you know how addictive such games can be. Which is why I wondered to myself tonight as I aligned boxes of like shapes and colors into stacks and chains faster than I can read printed words, am I really getting anything out of this?