An Open Letter To The Girl Next To Me In The Front Row Of The Eames Era Show That Spent The Entire Hour Set Mercilessly Dry-Fucking The Air

Dear Madam,

I tip my hat to you. I offer my congratulations: you have mastered the pelvic thrust.

Now, however, it is time to learn new dance moves. There is quite a bit you can do with your legs, torso, arms, hands, and head. You have your entire body to work with. It is time to move on from the pelvis and explore the dancing opportunities available elsewhere in your body.

Love,

Stephen