My New Favorite Web Page
This is a page that has completely captured my attention.
So as not to ruin your own particular experience of the thing, I will say no more above the jump and merely post the link.
I am a pretty morbid guy. Realizing the ultimate futility and meaninglessness of my existence saved my life when I was a teenager and felt totally overwhelmed by what my parents called my empathic abilities. I was very sensitive. So, eventually, when I started to get depressed and overwhelmed I reminded myself that no matter what I do or what happens to me, I will die and anyone who remembered me will die and, oddly, I found comfort in this. I still do. Sick with thoughts of the spectrum of pain, frustration, anxiety, and sadness that people around me experience and don't often talk about, I get so overloaded that I think I might burst. Then I remember that nothing really matters, and I feel better.
But that doesn't come up much anymore. Sometimes I have spells of black-hole chest suckings, but for the most part I just ignore all those feelings and they go away.
Healthy or not? Well, it's how I get by and that's what is important to me.
Anyway, this page brings that juxtaposition into such sharp contrast. I get to read about how a teenage girl was riding on the bumper of an SUV, fell off, and died. Then I get to read her myspace page, see the pictures of her with her high school-aged boyfriend, find out that she *really* wanted to meet Dave Chappelle and loved Dashboard Confessional. Or Britney Spears or whatever. And then - something I didn't notice for the first several profiles / obituaries I reviewed - I get to read the comments page where all the old friends come and post youtube music videos of sad songs, hyper-cheesy jpegs of cg roses with a water ripple reflection effect, and fond, heartfelt, sometimes trite and self-serving rememberings.
The myspace pages, originally self-aggrandizing masturbatory orgasms of band names, ridiculous over-the-top glamour pictures, and links to dumb "HILARIOUS OMG!!!!111" shit on the internet also take on the properties of D-grade memorials. The fact that you're looking at the inane ramblings of a seventeen year old dead girl bring all the meaninglessness of life into such sharp contrast. It's the most somber emotionally intense experience I've had on the internet yet.
This may sound creepy and weird, but it is my new favorite web page. I love it.
P.S. A teenage girl who died of a drug overdose set her default pic to a wide shot of her suckin' on a bong.
The skull badges kick arse, though.
One day at work I couldn't stop looking at this. At first coworkers were intrigued, but by the end of the day, I'm pretty sure my obsessive reading of it was making them pretty uncomfortable.
(My favorite part is the myspace MURDERERS. I always wondered what a murderer's myspace would look like, and now I know.)
After looking at a few suicides' myspace pages and reading the comments I am now crying hysterically. And its time to go to work.