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Why It's Still Okay--In Fact, Preferable--To Passionately Despise Hair Metal

http://mcsweeneys.net/2006/7/11moe.html

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someone needs to learn some H to TML

That's right Wythe. Your audience won't stand for highlighting and pasting. Step it up a notch, you're on that's plenty, friend.

Excuse me, friends, but I am a Highly Busy Quasi-Professional Author who hasn't time in the slightest to fend off this level of badger-like harassment. Like a million little badger-fangs in my stomach... Anyway, please direct all further harassment to my attorney, MR. WILLIAM "ORAL OFFICE" CLINTON, Esq., who I have retained specifically for the purposes of harassing my harassers. (And, anyway, Steve never showed me how to do anything fun, so blame him.)

dear wythe,

1) it was NEVER ok to hate hairbands
2) bill clinton couldn't html his way out of a wet paper bag
3) suck it

My dear Boobs,

As Plato would have, I must address your harassings one by one.

Firstly, or, 1)-rstly, let us agree to disagree: You believe a very funny series of rhyming tercets about lead singers of hair metal bands justifies those bands' collective existence; I believe an also very funny short essay on McSweeneys.net about a bad hair metal song justifies my passionate loathing of all things Hair and Metal. Fine. We can still enjoy a metaphorical and/or electronic bottle of cote-de-rhone together some day, providing Hezbollah doens't blow up the spicy wine-producing regions of France, metaphorically.

But I simply must point out, 2)-ndly, that I did not accuse my good Lawyer/Werewolf Hunter friend William C. of possessing any proficiency with html whatsoever. I simply pointed out he would harass you, at some future point, for harassing me. Surely, William is even now at work, harassing away, probably from the crow's nest of a space-galleon called La Dulcinea or HMS Tangine. In either event, Clinton is, [gasp of laughter], most decidedly NOT html-ing, to verb-ize that grail-like acronym that has everyone so in arms.

3)-rdly, as regards my sucking of "it," I must admit my own mystification. Is "it" delicious? A penis? Both? Somehow, I think I'll have to decline.

But I do have questions/comments for you: Has anyway actually read the fucking article? The one about "Sweet Child O' Mine?"

Also, did anyone out there know that, in Eastern Europe, some peasants still believe in a type of vampire called the Varcolac? Isn't that the weirdest fucking name, ever?

III)-rdly, just to piss everyone/some people off, here's more information about the Varcolac, and, yes, it's still not hyperlinked becausen Steve has still not shown me how to link things hyper-ly:

http://www.whitedragon.org.uk/articles/vampire.htm

I mean, really, "Varcolac?" What the fuck?

Aah! It's hyperlinked! What happened?

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